Changes
by Radi Berra
Summary: Chazz is forced into a sex change... now Jaden thinks Chazz is hot! Will Chazz be able to cope with life as a girl?
1. Problems

_This is so uncharacteristic of me, I know. Normally, I don't write these things, but right now - I could care less. :) And I'm using the dub names... to give it a bit of humor, I suppose. Even though I despise 4Kids and their dubbing. I thought of the idea while folding laundry. Yes, folding laundry. Was I drunk and-or high? I can't remember. _

_Warnings: OOCness, sex changes, Mary-Sue bashing, cursing, JadenxChazz (meant as a joke, I suppose), recycled humor from my Chrono Trigger fics, other randomness I can't think of now. _

_Disclaimer: If I owned GX, 4Kretins would not have gotten their filthy fingers on it._

_ **Changes**_

_ **Chapter One: Problems**_

"Chaaaaaaaaaazz!"

_No. Not him. ANYONE but him. If I were to die a painful death, let it be now._

"Hey, Chaaaaaaazz, where aaaaaaaare yoooooooooooou?"

Chazz was hiding in a tree. His whole purpose behind "having some alone time" meant just that - being ALONE. The fact that Jaden didn't quite get the meaning of the term _kind_ of pissed Chazz off. Okay, it REALLY pissed Chazz off.

"Hey, Syrus! Seen Chazz?"

Chazz groaned. Jaden was standing right under his tree, talking in that outrageously irritating voice, and who has to come along? Zane's annoying little "I sound like a girl" brother.

"No, I thought he said he was going for a walk?" Syrus said in that girlie voice of his.

"He's been gone for ten hours," Jaden said. "I was wondering if he'd died or something."

_I wish, _Chazz thought. _Then he'd leave me the fuck alone, at least... _

He must have thought it out loud.

"Hey Syrus, did you hear that?" Jaden asked, peering into the trees.

"Yeah, I thought I heard Chazz," Syrus replied, also staring at the trees.

_Blend in, blend in, blend in-_

"There he is! Hey Chazz, what are you doing up there?" Jaden called loudly.

Shit.

"No, go away!" Chazz yelled.

Jaden and Syrus looked at each other, then looked back at Chazz. "Can we come up?" Jaden called.

"_WHAT PART OF 'GO AWAY' DID YOU NOT GET_?" Chazz screamed, throwing an acorn at the two Slifer slackers below and managing to piss off a hungry squirrel with rabies.

The two were silent for a second before Jaden opened his mouth again. "So, is that a yes?"

"_NO_!"

---

It took the better part of two hours for the two nimrods to leave. TWO HOURS. It was a miracle the two even left - they'd said something about a big duel between Bastion Misawa and some random Ra chick. That's not the point.

Who the _hell _is so dense that they cannot understand the meaning of the words "no," "go away," and "leave me the fuck alone!"?

Jaden Yuki, that's who.

Chazz was getting really really really really really really really really REEEEEALLY pissed at Jaden Yuki. The same Slifer slacking Jaden Yuki that made him out to be a loser in front of the entire school, nay, the entire world! Damn that Slifer slacker!

"Talking to yourself again?"

Chazz groaned. It was Atticus Rhodes, the obnoxious brother of the undeniably sexy Alexis Rhodes.

"What do YOU want?" Chazz sneered from his perch on the tree branch.

Atticus grinned up at him. "You're talking about Jaden Yuki aren't you?"

"No, I'm talking about Chumley Huffington."

"Do you _waaaaaant _Jaden?" Atticus suggested deviously, ignoring Chazz's sarcasm completely.

Chazz nearly fell off his branch. "What the hell are you talking about? NO, I don't want Jaden! He's - he's-" Chazz faltered. What _was _Jaden? Except an annoying twit, Slifer slacker, and- yeah, annoying twit pretty much summed him up -?

"You're gay, aren't you?" Atticus asked wisely.

Chazz spluttered indignantly. "Let's get one thing straight. I'm not."

There was an awkward pause.

"No, wait, that's not what I meant to say."

"Uh-huh, sure," Atticus said, rolling his eyes.

"I just want to get away from him! He won't leave me alone!" Chazz exploded. "I go for walks to clear my head, not to listen to him ramble on about dueling and the fact that Syrus was informed by Jasmine and Mindy that Misawa was told that that Crowler said that Banner overheard Dimitri say that Jaden's Bubbleman is gay! He WON'T SHUT UP!"

"There is one way you can avoid Jaden forever," Atticus said solemnly, trying to work out what Chazz had just yelled. "But few men choose this path, for it is quite difficult to reverse. That and the fact that it significantly reduces their skills in bed."

Chazz nearly flew off the branch. "TELL MEEEE!"

Atticus was slightly taken aback by the fact that Chazz was practically choking him to death. So it was only natural that the words that came out of his mouth sounded like "murder Jaden in his sleep" when they were really - well, really wrong.

"Murder!" Chazz exclaimed. "That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that before?"

"Uck eck eck ank!" Atticus choked. "Nuk mukek!"

"THANK YOU!" Chazz yelled, hugging Atticus. "I LOVE YOU -er - YOUR IDEA!"

Atticus managed to push Chazz off. "I _said_, 'you should get a sex change.' I'm not sure how you managed to get 'murder Jaden in his sleep' out of that-"

Chazz screamed.

---

Professor Banner looked up from the papers he was grading (actually, putting random grades on depending on how much he liked the student), and sighed as his window shattered from a high pitched sound. "Who told Chazz to get a sex change THIS time...?"

---

Atticus cringed as Chazz continued his banshee wail. "Chazz! CHAZZ! For the love of-" He was struck with an idea. "I know! I'll get you a date with my sister!"

The screaming silenced. "Go on."

"...that's it, man."

"Really?" Chazz asked. "No catch?"

"Of course... not. None at all. Nope. Just come to the abandoned dorm tonight at, say, ten thirty. I'll make sure Lexi is there," Atticus said, crossing his fingers behind his back. "You'll be there?"

"Yeah!" Chazz said excitedly. "I'm going to score with _Alexis_! Sweet ass!"

Atticus nodded. "Yes, now I have to go... do stuff... at the dorm... Bye!"

Chazz was too excited to notice Atticus' evasively evil behavior. Perhaps it was for the best, because if Chazz knew exactly what Atticus was planning at that moment, Chazz would have murdered _Atticus_ instead of Jaden. And it would have been violent and bloody and painful as Chazz knew how to make it.

---

Chazz wasn't sure why Atticus had suggested the abandoned dorm as the date spot, but now that he thought of it, he wasn't likely to be interrupted by the Slifer slacker in it. Zing.

He heard some giggling and assumed it was Alexis. He followed the sound to a dark, empty room at the end of a long hallway. Well, no, that's not entirely accurate. There was a bed in the room. Chazz became more excited. He hurried into the room, and a silhouetted figure at the window giggled.

"Alexis?" Chazz said, almost drooling. "That you?"

"Not quite, Chazz."

The room was illuminated by bright lights, and Chazz could see the room clearly now. The room was small, and the bed was one of those kinds you'd find in a doctor's office. A tray of surgical tools was lying near the bed. Then Chazz saw who was in the room.

"Holy shi-"

Another figure knocked him out with a heavy copy of "Shakespearean Insults for Bad Insulters."

"Now," the figure standing near the window said, pulling on some gloves. "Let's get this party started."

---

Chazz woke up with a start.

"Relax, Chazz," said a soothing voice next to him. "We're alone."

Chazz glanced over. "Alexis!"

_This is so cool! _Chazz thought. _I'm sleeping with _ALEXIS_! Damn, she's hot, and- holy eff! She's NAKED! Wait, am I? _He checked. _Score! I'm scoring with _Alexis

"Chazz..." Alexis moaned, leaning into him. "Chazz..."

He pulled her closer. "Wow, she smells like - like - formaldehyde? Wait this can't be right-"

"I'm sorry, Chazz," Alexis whispered into his chest. "But you have to wake up now... wake up... wake up..."

---

He woke up. For real this time, too.

He was naked. That was the first thing he realized. Then he noticed that he was in a massive amount of pain on his chest and groin areas. And he had a headache. He couldn't remember what he'd been doing - drinking?

He lifted the sheet.

"OH MY GOD!"

His friend had been chopped off. He had been given _boobs. _HE WAS A GODDAMN _GIRL_!

Screaming like a sissy, he got up and ran for the nearest mirror, and screamed again at the sight that stared back at him.

He had long black hair that was neatly layered, boobs, and a girl's reproductive organ. He didn't recognize the old Chazz anywhere in that monstrosity that was before him.

"Clothes - I need - clothes - and then, and then..." He thought for a moment. Who was responsible? "I'll kill Atticus! I'll kill him dead! Like, with a rock... or something."

He couldn't focus. Was this how girls lived? They couldn't focus, ever? And what the hell kind of way to kill someone was killing them with a rock?

"I'll stab you!"

Better...

"With a cheese grater!"

Yeah, he'd lost it.

"DAMN IT, ATTICUS!"

_**---To be continued---**_

_Well, I really wanted to have Chazz yell "Damn it Fubuki!" because it sounds funnier, but I had to go along with the dub names... Damn me... Okay, review! Or the killer bunny from Monty Python will eat you! LOOK AT THE BONES!_


	2. Sneaking

_Woah, reviews! O.o Thankies for my reviewers! Hope this chapter isn't too bad. XD_

_Disclaimer: If I owned GX, all of my twisted ideas might actually end up happening. Which would suck. I guess._

_Warnings: OOCness, dub names, and cursing (especially on Chazz's part). Also, I don't have spellcheck. Bear with me if I spell something wrong, I really try not to misspell things._

_**Chapter 2: Sneaking**_

Atticus Rhodes awoke suddenly in his lush bed. Not because he'd been having a bad dream, or because the thunder outside had woken him up, but because there appeared to be a large knife at his throat. And we're talking "butcher knife" big.

"What the-" Atticus began before lightning flashed through the room, illuminating the person holding the knife. "Hey, who are-"

"_I'LL MURDER YOU, ATTICUS!"_ the person shrieked.

"...Do I know you, Miss?"

The knife flashed, and Atticus barely jerked out of the way. Sadly, his favorite silky pillow was ripped.

"Hey, you can't just come in here and-" Atticus began coldly before the knife came back down again. Atticus flinched, realizing that the knife was aimed at his chest, and it was falling too fast to jerk from (that and the fact that the girl had a very tight grip on his throat).

The knife froze, millimeters from Atticus' chest.

"Yes. I can. Talk. Now," the girl snapped.

Atticus held up his hands. "About - about _what_, exactly?"

The girl leaned back and spread out her arms. "LOOK WHAT YOU _DID _TO ME!" She held up her hair. "It's a goddamn _pompadour_!"

Atticus whimpered. "I don't even know who you are!"

"Stop playing stupid!" the girl shrieked.

"Atticus, man, go to sleep," one of Atticus' roommates muttered.

"This girl is trying to kill me!" Atticus wailed.

"What girl isn't?"

Atticus made a mental note to beat his roommate to death. Later. "Can we take this outside before we wake the whole Academy?" he suggested.

"Fine," the girl spat, shoving the knife's tip into Atticus' back. "Quickly. And don't yell, I don't want you to attract anybody. Especially not Crowler. If you make any sudden moves, I'll be forced to shove this knife through your kidneys. And right about now, that sounds like the _best damn idea in the world_, so _don't test me_."

The two walked silently along the path leading from the Obelisk Blue dorms. They followed the road until they reached the forest. At the sharp nudge of the knife in his back, Atticus lead the way through the forest until they reached a spot far enough away from the school so they wouldn't be heard.

"Okay," Atticus said, holding his hands up again. "We're alone. Who are you and what do you want?"

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" the girl yelled at the top of her lungs. "LOOK AT ME! I'M A GIRL! DAMN IT! IF YOU WEREN'T ALEXIS' BROTHER, I'D HAVE KILLED YOU DEAD FASTER THAN - THAN-" She faltered. Faster than what? "Faster than... I'd have killed you, THAT'S for damn sure!"

"..._Chazz_?" Atticus said incredulously, peering at the outraged girl. "What _happened?"_

"_WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?_" the girl - Chazz - yelled, stabbing Atticus in the chest with her finger after every syllable. "YOU did this to me, you half-assed bastardly shit headed dick-cutting... _fucktard_!"

"Hey, let's calm down, Chazz," Atticus said, patting Chazz's arm.

"Don't touch me!" Chazz snapped, shoving Atticus' arm away. "Explain this, NOW."

"_I_ didn't do it, Chazz," Atticus said, his eyes wide. "When I suggested you get a sex change, I was only kidding. Honest."

"Bullshit," Chazz spat. "YOU lured me to the abandoned dorm with those lies that you'd get your sister there. After I got there, I saw a person in the room who looked _quite a bit _like you. Shortly thereafter, I was knocked unconscious. I woke up... like this. Who _else _knew I was going to the dorm, Atticus? Hmm?"

"I don't know!" Atticus said in exasperation. "Maybe someone overheard our conversation in the forest and thought it'd be funny?"

"Oh, _TREMENDOUSLY_ funny," Chazz snarled. "Let's ALL go turning people into transsexuals, mmm? Sounds like _ONE HELL OF A PARTY!" _His voice rose to a high pitched shriek.

"Wow, whoever it was must have some serious skill with making the person sound different," Atticus commented. "Your voice is hardly recognizable."

With these words, Chazz burst into tears. Screw the fact that he was Chazz Princeton. He was now a girl. Girls cried all the time for no reason, right? It looked natural. Plus, wouldn't _anyone_ cry if they'd been given a sex change without their permission?

"How the hell am I going to LIVE?" Chazz wailed. "I don't know _how_ to be a girl!"

Atticus awkwardly rubbed Chazz's sobbing shoulders. "Well, who better to ask than the girls?"

Chazz looked up through tear-filled eyes. "You wouldn't. No. If you tell Alexis about this, that knife will be through your spine before you can blink."

"Okay, okay..." Atticus bit his lip. "Well... the sun's coming up. And you can't go around the Academy dressed in your old clothes, people will suspect something. We're going to have to make you an exchange student or something."

Chazz groaned. "Great, I have to stay in Slifer Red? With_ that _annoying prick?"

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Shush, I'm thinking."

Chazz sulked. "Better think fast, jerk."

"Okay, I got it," Atticus said after a few minutes. "We've got to sneak into the laundry."

Chazz snorted derisively. "You don't understand just how pathetic that sounded. Listen to yourself, 'we've got to sneak into the laundry.' The_ laundry_, Atticus. It's a _public_ laundry, there's no 'sneaking' involved."

"We have to get you some new clothes, right?" Atticus pressed. "It would be more fun to sneak in."

"You're a retard."

"So you've established."

"Another point. Won't this be, oh, I don't know... suspicious? An unexpected exchange student magically appears? And Chazz Princeton just _vanishes _without a trace?"

"Gotcha covered," Atticus said with a grin. "All we need is a piece of paper and a pen."

Chazz groaned again.

---

At seven o'clock that morning, Dr. Crowler looked skeptically at the new student application that had been in his mailbox. He got the annoyed feeling that the letter _should _have been given to Chancellor Sheppard instead of to him. The letter was written in familiar handwriting, but Crowler just couldn't put a finger on whose handwriting it was.

"Dear Dr. Crowler,

My name is Charlene Parkins. I am fifteen years old and am requesting permission to join Duel Academy. I have read many articles expressing praise for the school and its teachers, and I figured that it would be best to sharpen my dueling skills through your academy, as I wish to be a professional duelist someday. Please accept my application. Also, I am coming anyway, so it doesn't really matter if you disapprove. Cheers.

-Charlene"

He scowled, and jerked his frilly cuffs grumpily. "Great, another Slifer slacker..."

---

"_Charlene?" _

Atticus and Chazz had gotten into the public laundry. While he was picking an imaginary lock, Atticus filled Chazz in on the details about the application that he had hastily filled out and stuffed into a random teacher's mailbox.

"Yes, Chazz. Charlene."

"_Charlene."_

"Shh, someone will hear us."

"_Charlene."_

Atticus opened the door and peered around. "Two Slifers, one Ra, and two Obelisks."

Well, what a coincidence. The Slifers were Jaden and Syrus, the Ra was Bastion Misawa, and the Obelisks were Alexis and Zane.

"Oh _shit_," Chazz whimpered.

"Want to keep sneaking?" Atticus whispered cheerfully.

"I _omniloathe _you."

"I have no idea where he could be," Jaden was saying. "We've looked all over for him."

Zane pulled a uniform out of the nearest dryer and folded it neatly. "He couldn't have just vanished, right?"

Chazz and Atticus slipped behind a particularly large dryer and tiptoed toward the stock of spare Slifer uniforms. Chazz's foot caught on the cord, and he tripped forward, crashing into Atticus, who slammed into the dryer with a resounding crash. The group of five glanced up in alarm as a loud "_SON_ OF A-" echoed through the room.

"Damn it," Chazz said, rubbing his foot. "I'll give that Slifer slacker three sec-"

"Hey! Who's there?" Jaden's annoying voice piped up loudly.

"-onds. Okay. _RUN_, ATTICUS!"

An arm came out of nowhere and grabbed Atticus' pajama shirt by the hem. Atticus stumbled, stopped, looked up, and recoiled at the sight of his sister, who looked furious.

"Er, hi Lexi."

"What are you _doing_?" Alexis demanded sharply. "And who are _you?_" She glared at Chazz.

"Cha-"

"Charlene," Atticus interrupted as Chazz scowled more. "I'm showing Charlene around."

Jaden popped up. "Hi, Charlene. You new? You'll be in MY dorm!"

"Lucky me," Chazz said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I know, cool, huh?" Jaden said, oblivious to "Charlene's" tone. "I'm Jaden Yuki."

"I know," Chazz grumbled.

"Really?" Jaden laughed. "I bet Atticus told you all about how great a duelist I am, huh?"

"Sure," Chazz said through gritted teeth.

There was a long silence. Jaden grinned stupidly at Chazz, who couldn't have been less thrilled. Finally, Atticus elbowed Chazz in the ribs. "Say hi to Jaden, Charlene." He grinned. Then, in an undertone, "and would it _kill_ you to smile for once?"

Chazz forced a smile, which was masked by venom. "_Thrilled_ to meet you. Jaden." His eye twitched violently.

"Shake his hand," Atticus whispered in his ear.

Chazz reluctantly held out his hand. Jaden looked at it for a second before high-fiving it. Chazz resisted the urge to strangle the Slifer slacker. Oh, did he resist. It took all his willpower to pull his hand back and stand still as opposed to lunging at Jaden. He really wanted to lunge, you can probably imagine.

Then Syrus mentioned something that should have been obvious to the rest of them.

"Why are you wearing Chazz's clothes, Charlene?"

Chazz grimaced. "I know not this 'Chazz' of which you speak."

Atticus laughed brightly. "Of course you do, Charlene! Guys, Charlene is in love with Chazz-"

"That's it, I'm _MURDERING_ you!" Chazz yelled. "Better pray for repentance now before you _DIE_, Atticus!"

Atticus was spared a gruesome death by none other than Professor Banner, who had come in to aid in the search for Chazz Princeton. "What is going on in here, students?" He stroked Pharaoh's head as he glanced over his students before his gaze lingered on Chazz.

"Banner!" Atticus looked as happy to see Banner as anyone who was about to be murdered could be. "Have you met the new girl, Charlene?"

Banner peered through his square glasses at "Charlene," and frowned slightly. "Charlene?"

Chazz bit his lip. "Uh, yeah. Charlene. That's my name..."

"Why are you wearing Chazz's clothes?" Banner asked, cocking his head. Pharaoh purred in agreement.

"..."

---

"You're in my dorm," Banner explained. He brought Chazz to the Slifer dorms while the rest went to Crowler's class. "Here're your clothes. I apologize, but you'll have to room alone. There aren't any Slifer girls aside from yourself. You'll start classes tomorrow, we have to finish filling out enrollment forms. It'll take a bit longer since we don't have your birth certificate."

"No problem," Chazz said. "Just keep Jaden Yuki away from me or I might strangle him."

Banner gave Chazz another suspicious glance before walking out of Chazz's room.

Chazz plopped on the bed and lifted up the Slifer uniform. "I thought I'd kill myself before wearing this piece of shit," he muttered. "Oh well..."

He stripped off his clothes and pulled the shirt over his head. The shirt was tight and didn't even cover his stomach. It made his implanted breasts look even larger than he'd thought they were. Grimacing, he pulled the skirt on next.

"Oh, _hell_."

It came up to mid-thigh. It made his butt look like a goddamn _planet_. Surely there was some sort of dress code against this? He glanced at the plain red shoes. Sighing, he pulled them on as well. They were narrow and tight.

"Screw Barbie. I _hate _being a girl."

---**_To be continued_**---

_There you go! Review. Please. I mean, would it KILL you to review? You've already read it, it would take you twenty seconds to tell me I'm insane. PLEASE! You've resorted me to BEGGING!_ _Alright, also, if you go to my homepage on my profile, you'll see a REALLY bad-quality pic of Chazz in his Slifer Red uniform... as a girl. :D Of course, I mostly messed with a previous pic of Chazz that I found. And it was with MSPaint, so it's really horrendous. Especially the hair... XP but oh well. :D_


	3. Violence

_Yahoo, an update. Finally. Between soccer and studying for the SAT (well, maybe not the SAT...) I've been having trouble slipping in opportunities to update. Thanks to all my friendly reviewers, since I don't think I've had one that said "liek, OMG, stop riting, u suk!1!" yet. I was going to go commit hara-kiri after English class Wednesday after being forced to read Ernest Hemingway's "masterpiece" The Hills Like White Elephants, or whatever it's called, but I spared myself by remembering you. Also, I'm allergic to pain, so suicide is out of the question._

_I'll get to the point now..._

_Warnings: OOCness, female Chazz, dub names, JadenXChazz. :O_

_Disclaimer: I don't own GX... that one guy does. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about, foo'._

_**Chapter 3: Violence**_

**From the private journal of Chazz Princeton-**

_I hate life. It's like a field of poppies, it looks lovely then you get tired of it. Ha. Get it, "tired" of it? Poppies, get it? Like in the "_Wizard of Oz"_? Come on, Chazz, that was funny! Wait, I must write that down somewhere, it was quite clever. Hold on..._

_Thankfully, no one will ever get a hold of this diary. Journal. Argh, I'm thinking like a girl! Anyway, back to my ramblings on life. _

_Life's something much like an illusion. I used to feel that I was really the only living person, and that everyone else was a figment of my imagination. I realize now that I was very, very wrong._

_I would **never **create such idiocy._

_So I was sitting in my chair earlier after Banner left, and I realized, ever since I came to this school, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that I'm alive, that's the worst day of my life._

_---_

Chazz was slumbering peacefully by the next morning. He wasn't wearing much, just a revealing nightshirt that Atticus had swiped from Alexis, but he was comfortable, at least. The sun shone brightly through the small window of his small Slifer Red dorm room. It was a beautiful morning. If Chazz had been the kind of guy to start singing, he might have started singing that one song from _Oklahoma! _that talked about how it was a beautiful morning.Or was it in _My Fair Lady_? Oh well, no one is likely to care. Anyway.

Chazz slowly opened his eyes wider. He became aware that someone was watching him. Sure enough, sitting cross-legged at the end of his bed, was Jaden.

"HOLY MOTHER OF-" Chazz yelped before Jaden grinned goofily.

"Hiya, Cassandra. No wait." He screwed up his eyes in thought. "Charlene, that's right!" His grin became wider. "How are you today?"

Chazz jerked his sheets closer to his body as he struggled to sit up. "Do you often make a habit of sneaking into girls' dorm rooms to watch them sleep?" he demanded.

Jaden shrugged. "No, since we don't have any girls here. I figure you'll be moving up to Ra Yellow as soon as you can. You know, so you can get away from the Slifer slackers..." His voice trailed, and Chazz couldn't help but feel even the tiniest bit apologetic for being so rude to them. But that feeling was quickly replaced with a murderous feeling by the events that followed.

Jaden tried to climb off Chazz's bed. His foot was caught on Chazz's sheet, and the whole sheet came off Chazz's scantily clad body. Shrieking in surprise, Chazz grabbed at the sheet, but to no avail. Jaden tumbled forward and landed clumsily on Chazz's body. Jaden's face was mere millimeters from Chazz's new breasts.

Flushing crimson, Jaden jumped off Chazz, off the bed, backed away slowly, averted his eyes, and mumbled incoherent apologies. Chazz was too busy wrapping the sheet back around his body as tightly as he possibly could to notice. There wasn't much of a point to this, seeing as how Jaden had already seen more than the boy would probably ever see in his entire life to come.

"You... you..." Chazz struggled for an insult, one that would portray his feelings toward the Slifer slacker. He couldn't think of a word strong enough, so he settled for screaming like a banshee.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU?" Chazz shrieked. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE I _MURDER_ YOU WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS!"

Quickly, Jaden rushed out of the room and closed the door, leaving Chazz to fume.

_How DARE he? Why the hell did he come into my room? HOW the hell did he come into my room? Wasn't my door lock-_

No. He'd forgotten to lock it after Banner had left. That explained how Jaden had come in. But didn't Banner keep an eye on the dorms to keep this sort of thing from happening?

_No, _said the smug voice in his head. _Banner's human, y'know. He sleeps too. Plus, you're the only Slifer girl in this whole school. Guess girls are too good for the Slifers to pass up, eh Chazzy?_

_YOU can shut up, _Chazz told the voice. _I call the shots here, you idiot._

_Who's the idiot? _the voice challenged. _I'm not the one arguing with my conscience._

Chazz couldn't really think of anything to say to this, so he stopped his debate. Glancing wearily at his alarm clock, he realized he should get ready for his "first" day of class. He just didn't want to see Jaden again, he might have to murder the slacker. Reluctantly, he shoved on the uniform, jerked at the skirt in disgust, and glared at his reflection in the mirror again. His hair was frizzy and unmanageable, he decided. He picked up a handful, shrugged, and tossed it behind his head. No one would care, right? Seriously, it's just hair. Why waste time messing with a bunch of dead skin cells anyway?

He walked out of the dorm without another thought and headed toward the Slifer commons. Then he froze. _That Slifer slacker will probably be there, all excited about his first experience with a girl, how wonderful. I guess I'll just STARVE to death or something._

His stomach refused this proposition with incessant growling.

"All right, FINE! If I feed you, will you be HAPPY?" he yelled, flinging his arms wildly and earning him some strange glances from some passing Slifers.

Still fuming, Chazz stormed off toward the commons. Once he reached the commons, he peered inside to check whether the coast was clear. He saw Chumley and Syrus, but Jaden was nowhere in sight.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Chazz grabbed some food, shoveled it down, belched loudly, and walked out before many people even realized he was there.

_Well, now it's on to class, _Chazz thought grumpily. _This is going to be awkward, Jaden can't blow off class . Crowler would have him in detention until he was forty. No, I just have to sit away from-_

_Damn, I have to sit near him, the only open seat is "Chazz's" seat. WTFudge? Okay, okay... think of it this way. If I just ignore him, he won't bother me. Well, no, it won't happen, he never leaves me alone. Screw it, I'm just going to skive class myself-_

"Are you Charlene... Charlene... The new girl?"

Chazz spun around. It was Dr. Crowler. '_Wonderful.' _"Yeah, I'm Charlene..." he paused. What was his last name again? "...Parkins."

Crowler gave him a suspicious once-over. "You look like one of my students. Chazz Princeton. Except, you're clearly not him, since you're a female and Chazz is a male, but still..."

Chazz grimaced. "No, I'm not Chazz. Nope. Not ever, not in a bajillion years, zilch-o. Plus, I'm positive that this Chazz of which you speak is an incredibly sexy man who would only get a sex change if he were kidnapped and operated on while he was unconscious."

Crowler nodded, completely missing the dry sarcasm. "Yes. Of course." He frowned at the new girl. "I take it you want to move up out of the Jaden Yuki-filled Slifer dorms?"

Chazz started. "Er, yeah. How'd-"

"You were mumbling something about killing him," Crowler said dismissively. "Nothing new, frankly."

"Oh."

"I really wouldn't mind if you killed him," Crowler added helpfully. "I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Er-"

"And if you do, please use a large weapon," Crowler continued. "Preferably something sharp."

"I-"

"Take out his voice box first," Crowler rambled, clearly on a roll.

"But-"

"He's really got a very irritating voice. And when he gets started, he never-"

"SIR!" Chazz all but yelled. "I was going to ask where my first class was!"

Crowler stopped in the middle of his sentence. "Oh, right... this way. You have Professor Banner first, with... erm... some sort of _chemistry _class." He scowled at the thought of such a plainly useless class being taught at a _dueling_ _school_, of all things.

"Ah, you know, I think I'll just follow them," Chazz said, pointing at Chumley and Syrus, who were walking by. '_Still no Jaden. Huh. Not like him to mope,_' Chazz thought, frowning slightly. "See you later, Dr. Crowler."

Crowler watched the new girl walk off, with clearly no intent of following Huffington and Truesdale. '_There's something fishy about her,'_ Crowler thought, narrowing his eyes. '_I just can't place my finger on it...'_

---

Chazz nearly dozed off as Professor Banner went on and on about alchemy and how you need to learn chemical properties before attempting to do alchemy, due to "equivalent exchange," which really didn't make sense because equivalent exchange is a Fullmetal Alchemist thing, therefore it had no bearing on that particular universe anyway. To get to the point, Jaden still hadn't shown up to class, which was surprising. Banner would surely be pissed - Jaden was, after all, in his dorm.

"Maybe Charlene can demonstrate," Banner said loudly, jerking Chazz out of his stupor.

"Maybe I can do what now?" Chazz asked wildly. He distinctly heard an Obelisk mutter something about "damn new Slifer slacker," and found that he really wanted to murder the individual. He also wanted to murder Jaden and Atticus - especially Atticus - but that's beside the point. You see, it was that moment that Chazz cared about, not the past or the future. He really wanted to murder _right then._ And God help him, he would murder.

So it came as a bit of a shock to the class when the new girl turned around and socked the offending Obelisk in the jaw. Chazz grabbed a pen off his desk and shoved it into the Obelisk's wrist. The Obelisk screamed, giving Chazz a very satisfied feeling. Naturally, Chazz pressed harder.

"Charlene."

Chazz stopped. Professor Banner was now standing right behind him, his hand on Chazz's shoulder.

"Get your hand off me," Chazz snarled through his teeth.

"That's no way to make friends," Banner said, ignoring Chazz completely and leaving his hand on its resting place. "Pull the pen out of him, now."

"I don't need any friends." With these words, Chazz slapped Banner's hand off his shoulder and began to stomp out of the room.

"Where are you going, Charlene?" Banner called. "Class isn't over yet."

"I'm going to beat the shit out of Atticus Rhodes."

---

Atticus Rhodes was taking notes in his art class. Yes, that was odd enough. Seriously, WHO takes NOTES in ART class? Well, clearly it is Atticus Rhodes.

Anyway, there he was, taking notes in Art class, and who should burst into the room than Chazz Princeton. Actually, everyone else believed he was Charlene Parkins.

"What are you doing here?" Atticus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"YOU MORON! JADEN YUKI IS HITTING ON ME!"

There was a stunned silence as the Ra Yellow teacher shifted uncomfortably in his seat. There were the snickers of various Ras and Obelisks throughout the room.

"Ah, one question," Atticus said. "How do you know he's hitting on you?"

"_He snuck into my room this morning to_ _watch me sleep_," Chazz hissed.

"That's kind of creepy," Atticus remarked as if he were commenting on the weather.

"You _think_?"

"Um, Atticus and... er... Charlene," the Ra teacher called out from his seat at the front of the room. "We're having class, so your love lives will have to be taken to the-"

"I DON'T HAVE A LOVE LIFE!" Chazz screamed.

"He's discussing the possibility of Jaden Yuki being a stalker of some sort," Atticus explained to the teacher.

"Not in class, I ask you," the teacher said. "Regardless of how intriguing it may be- hey, wait. Did you say _Jaden Yuki _might be a stalker?"

The whole class became interested.

Chazz scowled. "Never mind. You-" he glared at Atticus- "I'll see you later. And if you tell another soul, I'll murder you."

Chazz stormed back out of the room.

Grinning, Atticus turned to one of his amigos. "What's eating her, eh?"

_**---To be continued---**_

_Again, sorry for the delay. My excuse is that I was deathly ill. (Actually, I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist, which is **almost** as froody as me. :O)_

_Also, I was lazy. So... yeah, add the two together. I'll try and update sooner next time. Blegh. xP_


	4. Murder

_**Random shit:** You're lucky I'm still alive. I almost died after having to sprint the damn mile in PE class. And silence if you think running a mile is a cakewalk, I hate sprinting unless I'm playing soccer and the prospect of ramming someone is nigh. Plus, I think I pulled something, my leg is mudersome today. So much for stretches. Also, my PE teacher was rapping today, so I'm scarred. For life. And - oh god, Swalls cross-dressing... -shudder- Also, check out my profile. It's edited, my hippie __brethren_

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own GX. If I did, Jaden would have a froody afro. :D _

_**Warnings:** OOCness, dub names, Mary-Sue, and a complete disregard for the laws of nature in general. I'm literally meaning that, too. Something happens that I got from Monty Python. 'Nuff said. :O_

_**Chapter 4: Murder **_

**Chazz Princeton's Letter to Self:**

**Sorry I made those bad counterfeits. I know now that even though I was always sure I had good accomplices, I needed to spend some time thinking about how my actions would appear on the security camera. Some might find this hard to believe, but all I ever really wanted was to be ****acquitted****. I guess I just keep hoping that one day the entire world will understand English. I promise that from now on, I won't worry all the time about losing the police and I'll try to be the best person I can be, although I can't promise that I won't make the occasional prison break. I'm also going to go easier on the people around me, because I know that deep down I know they really and truly will file charges. -Chazz**

---

Jaden Yuki sat at the pier for most of the school day. He had to escape from Crowler a few times, since Crowler was chasing him (and, for some reason, kept waving a hair dryer at Jaden like a gun), but was ignored pretty much the rest of the time. He truly hadn't meant to pull Charlene's blanket off, it had been an accident. But Charlene was so pissed, how could he ever look at Charlene again? It was all so confusing.

His stomach growled at him. Of course, he'd skipped lunch. The sun was setting, meaning it was well past dinnertime. But he really wanted to make up to Charlene... somehow. Then it hit him. All girls like sappy stuff, right?

---

Chazz sulked. Banner had announced that there was going to be a new student, a new girl. Meaning Chazz had to share a room. With a _girl._ Not to mention the fact that he had two weeks' worth of detentions for breaking that Obelisk's wrist. What the hell had he done to deserve this?

"Stop laughing at me, you jerk," Chazz yelled at the ceiling. "I know you're up there, laughing at me."

Chazz's electricity went out.

"Oh, that's just not _even _cool," Chazz griped. "You're not merciful at all, are you?"

Chazz's light bulbs exploded.

"All right, I get it," he muttered. "You hate me."

As if affirming this, God sent more punishment to Chazz Princeton.

He heard singing. Loud, terrible singing in Spanish. Very bad Spanish.

"No, no..." Chazz whimpered. "PLEASE, I'll repent of all my unholy sins, just NO!"

The voice grew louder.

"WHY, GOD?" Chazz screamed. "PLEASE STOP THIS!"

He didn't even conjugate the verb. It wasn't supposed to be "hablar," it was supposed to be "hablo." Clearly, the kid had been slacking off on his foreign language studies. Well, perhaps that would be the case if Duel Academy actually HAD foreign language classes.

Chazz Princeton suffered. The poor kid was stuck listening to a serenade. Who was serenading him? Jaden Yuki. It was the worst punishment ever. It might not have been that bad if Alexis had been the one singing a Spanish song to him, but Jaden? Jaden was worse than a certain blond whore with the initials "B.S." Yeah, that one.

Finally, a kind and merciful soul took pity on him and smacked Jaden upside the head. Jaden became quiet after that and headed back to his dorm, where he was ambushed by Banner.

"Where were you, Jaden?" Banner demanded sternly, glaring through his square spectacles. "Blowing off class is not tolerated by the disciplinary committee."

Jaden muttered something about Crowler and his hair dryer, but was ignored.

"I'll make it easy this time and only give you detention," Banner continued. "You will be with Charlene-"

"NO!" Jaden yelped. "She hates me!"

"-and you will be there for two weeks," Banner finished without paying attention to Jaden at all whatsoever.

"But-"

"See you tomorrow," Banner said cheerfully, walking out the door.

"-shit."

---

The next morning, the new girl was introduced to Duel Academy, with her welcoming assembly at the pier.

She was strikingly gorgeous, with long blond hair and bright pink eyes that turned purple when she was in the presence of what she believed to be her one true love. Sadly, her eyes were purple at that moment, and flashed brighter every time she looked at a very uncomfortable Banner.

Her chest put Alexis Rhodes's chest to shame. Her earrings were froodier than Crowler's. Her smile could get guys faster than Atticus's smile could get girls. She was the epitome of outward perfection. Everybody immediately loved her.

Chazz, Jaden, Alexis, Atticus, Zane, Syrus, Chumley, Banner, Crowler, and Bastion immediately hated her.

"My name is Bree Internisha Tequila Cadice Honda Illiat Natas," the girl announced. "I'm Yugi Muto and Tristan Taylor's daughter."

Chazz, Jaden, Alexis, Atticus, Zane, Syrus, Chumley, Banner, Crowler and Bastion immediately hated her more. And were revolted at the mere thought of Tristan and Yugi being gay together. And having a kid? How the hell did that- never mind.

"I've been dueling since I was three," the girl went on. "I'm the American, Canadian, Mexican, Swiss, Dutch, Belgian, Iranian, South African, Japanese, Chinese, North Korean, and French Duel Monsters champion. I'm also the runner-up in the Panama tournament..." she pouted. "But my opponent cheated. I just have to prove it."

Chazz, Jaden, Alexis, Atticus, Zane, Syrus, Chumley, Banner, Crowler and Bastion immediately hated her more than they had before. Provided that was possible.

"If she's the French champion, that doesn't say much," Bastion muttered under his breath.

"It says that she's as bitchy as her name suggests," Atticus piped in. "Also, she has a severe case of faggonitis. And she is fuckfacing."

Everyone nodded, not exactly sure what "faggonitis" was. And how the hell had Atticus made "fuckface" into a verb? Wow, he's amazing.

"Let's kill her!" Atticus added, grinning widely.

Everyone nodded, paused, and looked at him.

"Um..." Alexis hesitated. "Is that really a great idea?"

"My deck has a special magic card that automatically wipes out every one of my opponent's life points, and all I have to do is pay one life point!" Bree said, smiling her dazzling white smile that had even the most anti-Slifer Obelisks crooning. "I've never lost aside from that time the man - whose name was Ed Phoenix - cheated by using Magic Jammer. He shouldn't have been allowed to counter my magic card." She pouted again.

"Let's hear this assassination plan of yours," Alexis said instantly.

"Quickly," Banner added. "She keeps giving me that witch smile, and my garlic and crosses don't seem to be warding off her obvious evilness."

"Okay," Atticus said. "Here's the plan."

---

Chazz smiled warmly at Bree. "Welcome to Duel Academy. I'm your charming roommate, Cha...rlene. Charlene, yes. Would you like me to escort you to the dorm room?"

Bree scoffed. "No, I wanted him-" she gazed at Banner longingly - "to escort me."

Chazz's patience bent. "He's too old for you."

"He's only-"

"_SILENCE, BITCH, HE'S TOO FUCKING OLD_!" Chazz yelled, his patience snapping like a twig.

There was a moment of silence.

"Charlene, that wasn't very nice," Bree pouted. "My ultra-rich parents who are actually king and queen of Japan are paying for me to come here. I won't tolerate rudeness from a mediocre duelist."

Chumley briefly wondered how the girl's parents could be queen and king of Japan, seeing as how she'd already stated that Yugi and Tristan were her parents, and he was certain that Yugi and Tristan were not Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko, the "rulers" of Japan. Alexis briefly wondered how good a duelist Charlene was. Syrus briefly wondered why Charlene reminded him so much of Chazz. Crowler briefly wondered why her parents were paying for her to come to a free school. Banner briefly wondered how the girl had passed the test to get in. Bastion briefly wondered if his calculations about how long the girl had left to live would be correct. Zane was merely relieved that she hadn't tried to hit on HIM instead of Banner. Atticus briefly wondered why the girl's initials spelled out "bitchin." And if she knew her last name spelled backwards spelled out "Satan." Jaden briefly wondered when it would be lunchtime.

And Chazz? He briefly wondered whether the shotgun or the flamethrower would be better.

"Anyway, Charlene, I challenge you to a duel," Bree continued snootily. "When I win, you have to move out of my dorm room."

"Hell no, biznatch," Chazz snapped. "When _I_ win, I get to beat the shit out of you and trample your corpse. And then you have to shag Jaden."

"She has to what now?" Jaden asked mildly, as Atticus chuckled.

"Duel!" B.I.T.C.H.I.N. cried, activating her duel disk. "I activate the magic card Pot of Greed! I draw two cards. I place one monster face down in defense mode and place five cards face down on the field. Your move, _Charlene._"

Atticus grinned. "Oh, man. This is gonna be great."

Chazz chuckled. "I draw." He glanced at the card. "Ooooh baby, you're getting it now. I just drew the magic card Holy Hand Grenade. With it, I can wipe out all of your life points by discarding three cards from my hand. But the side effect is better."

"Side effect?" Bree said skeptically. "There's no such card as that, you're clearly bluffing."

"Silence, woman. I activate it. It has a side effect that will blow you up." Chazz grinned. "See you in hell, Mary Sue. All I have to do is recite one simple incantation and discard cards..." He placed three cards in his graveyard. "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.' Amen."

"Amen," the others replied.

The pier pretty much exploded. It was rather cool, and the fact that Sheppard would be pissed only added to the excitement.

"May God bless the wonderful men of Monty Python," Alexis said with a satisfied sigh, watching the blood of the Mary Sue made a loud splurting sound as it globbed all over the normally peaceful pier.

"I do enjoy gore," Zane added as a particularly large and unidentifiable organ ploshed all over the pier in front of him.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? Am I not allowed to?"

Everyone shrugged and went off to do whatever it was they did on Saturday mornings.

---

That night, there was a knock on Chazz's bedroom door.

Grumbling, Chazz staggered to the door and opened it. A hesitant Jaden stood there, looking slightly nervous.

"What do you want?" Chazz demanded sharply.

Jaden averted his gaze. "Ah... Charlene... um... can we talk?"

Narrowing his eyes at the Slifer boy, Chazz reluctantly opened the door wider. "All right, make it quick, though. I'm tired."

"Charlene..." Jaden took a deep breath. "I have to ask you something..."

"What?" Chazz asked, not enjoying the direction in which this was going.

"Can I... can I use your bathroom?"

---**To Be Continued**---

_I'm a bitch, huh? Admit it, you thought he was going to ask something exciting. :3 Although... Jeez, I really effed this chapter up. It makes no sense. Oh well. You don't like it, you make the pope cry. D:_

_And if anyone here's on Janime, could someone explain what the hell happened? I can't get in there. :( _

_And now, onward to sleep. 'Night, my less-froody-than-me mofos._


	5. Mysteries

_**Stuff o'randomness: **It's official, I'm a nerd. I made the Spell Bowl team. The rest of my high school life will be henceforth dedicated to fleeing from freshman who are taller than me, whose sole purpose in life is to dunk every geek's head down the toilet in the girls' locker room. Although I don't know how they'll get in the girls' locker room to BEGIN with... _

_**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned it. Sadly, I don't. Actually, if I did, Edo Phoenix's dub name would be Edo (or at least ED), NOT **Aster**... _

_**Warnings:** OOCness, dub names, and one-sided JadenXChazz. Also, South Park scene. You have been warned.  
_

_**Chapter Five: Mysteries**_

_**(subtitled "I ran through the woods, naked and screaming while clansmen shot at me")**_

**Dear Diary - journal - whatever:**

_**Why is he still alive? That is all.**_

---

Chazz stared at Jaden for a long second. "Can you _what_?"

Jaden flushed crimson. "Use your... your... toilet?" he whimpered in a small voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Chazz yelled, flinging his arms wildly and nearly whacking a cowering Jaden in the face. "You have an outhouse, don't you?"

"Just leaving to use it, actually," Jaden moaned, ducking out the door as fast as his little body could.

Chazz slammed the door behind the slacker and fumed. _I thought that maybe he'd leave me alone. He's a complete moron. He's... why the hell is he still annoying me? Where's Atticus when he's needed? I need to talk to Atti- No. No, why would I need to talk to Atticus? Why is my mind telling me to talk to- Oh God! What if Jaden really _**is**_ hitting on me? I need expert advice, pronto._

That is how Atticus was rudely interrupted in the middle of a very fascinating game of strip dueling with an Obelisk girl.

"I need your help," Chazz said urgently, ignoring the fact that Atticus was "accidentally" losing life points at a very rapid pace as the girl giggled.

"Just a sec, there, chief," Atticus said with a wink, chucking off his shirt. "I'll show you how the Master works his magic."

Impatiently, Chazz stomped on Atticus's bare foot. "Now, you asshole. This is all your fault. I'm only refraining from killing you because I'm almost _certain_ that _you're_ behind this whole sex change fiasco."

Heaving a very loud sigh, Atticus waved at the Obelisk girl. "Sorry. I have to go." He winked at her. "See you... tomorrow."

Ignoring the girl's dreamy sigh, Chazz grabbed the half-naked Atticus by the arm until they'd reached an empty classroom, into which Atticus was shoved.

"How can I tell if someone is hitting on me?" Chazz demanded as soon as he slammed the door.

Atticus blinked. A creeping smile slid onto his face. "Oho! What's this I hear? Someone is hitting on Chazz Princeton, aka Charlene Parkins? Very interesting..."

"No it's not," Chazz scowled.

Atticus shrugged and pulled his shirt over his head. "May I ask why you're asking me this, Chazz?"

"Just wondering, could you just tell me?"

"Sure. If they're red in the face every time they look at you, if they sneak into your dorm room in the middle of the night to watch you sleep, and if they ask to use your lavatory when they have their own, they're in dire need of sexing you up," Atticus yawned.

Chazz's eye twitched. "Have you been spying on me, per chance?"

"No."

"You sure? You don't think the female me is sexy, do you?" On inspiration, Chazz decided to test Atticus. Maybe he could figure out if Atticus really WAS responsible for making him into a girl.

"That was uncalled for."

"Yeah, maybe. Or maybe you're a bisexual and don't want to admit it. You turned me into a girl so you could get me without revealing to everyone that you're not straight."

"Shut up, fat boy!" Atticus yelled.

"Don't call me fat, you fucking whore," Chazz snapped. '_Atticus just proved to me that he really IS responsible for this. Either that or he's just being a retard. We can't rule his retardism out.'_

Unfortunately for the pair of them, Dr. Crowler had just happened to walk by that particular room at that particular minute.

"Charlene!" Crowler exclaimed. "Did you just say the f-word?"

Chazz looked perplexed for a moment. "Whore?"

"No, he's talking about fuck. You can't say fuck in school, you fucking fatass," Atticus snapped.

"Atticus!" Crowler yelled.

"Why the fuck not?" Chazz demanded.

"Charlene!"

By this point, several people who had also been walking by decided to see what the commotion was about.

"Dude, you just said fuck again," a Ra boy said.

"Steve!"

"What's the big deal?" Chazz asked, frowning. "It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck."

"How would you like to see Chancellor Sheppard?" Crowler yelled.

"How would _you_ like to suck my balls?"

Everyone gasped.

"_What did you say_?" Crowler screamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was..." Chazz cleared his throat, cupped his hands over his mouth, and yelled "how would you _like_ to _suck my balls_? Dr. Crowler."

---

Chancellor Sheppard sighed as he looked over at the still-half-naked model student Atticus and the new girl, Charlene. He didn't understand exactly why Atticus was half naked in a room, alone, with a girl, but perhaps it would be best if the world would never know.

"Dr. Crowler informed me that you were using profanity in school," Sheppard said with another sigh. "Mind explaining what happened?"

"Yes, I would," Chazz said loudly. "Atticus is being a moron. Again."

Sheppard hit his head on the desk. "Elaborate on that for me, please."

"He turned me into a gi-"

Chazz stopped. He couldn't tell anyone that he was Chazz Princeton, least of all Chancellor Sheppard.

"...reat duelist," Atticus finished, grinning.

Chazz breathed a sigh of relief. '_All right, so he wasn't a complete retard THIS time...'_

There was another awkward pause.

"Um," Sheppard said, and blinked.

"Yeah, so... we'll be going now." Chazz stood up and headed for the door. He had just reached it and was about to step through when Sheppard called out to him.

"Charlene, hold on a moment."

Chazz froze, his foot halfway out the door. "What?"

Sheppard stood up. "We're curious. Do you know what happened to Chazz Princeton? He disappeared the day before you arrived. And students say that they first saw you wearing a North Academy uniform. Which strikes me as odd. Why were you wearing a uniform from North Academy?"

Chazz bit his lip and thought for a second. "Um... I'm from... North Academy?"

It wasn't a complete lie. He _had_ gone there... if only briefly. And as a male.

Sheppard frowned. '_They don't have girls at North Academy...' _He cleared his throat. "Very well. We'll let you take the exam to move out of Slifer Red in a few days, if you wish."

"That would be lovely, sir."

---

Atticus sat in class the next Monday, not paying too much attention to Professor Banner, who was going on about some chemical reaction that would instantly kill people. No, he couldn't help but wonder _why_ Chazz was so pissed about being a girl. Granted, Chazz had been changed into a girl against his will, but still...

Atticus yawned widely, and doodled absentmindedly on his notes. He wondered again who would be skilled enough to give Chazz Princeton a sex change. Furthermore, how'd they find out about Chazz's plans for the evening? He scribbled a few names on his notes, those who were closest to Chazz or might wish him ill. Then he remembered that most of the school wished Chazz ill. So he bumped it down to those who claimed to be Chazz's "friends." Alexis, Jaden, Zane, Chumley, Syrus, Mindy, Jasmine, Bastion... those were the first names he thought up. He then decided to narrow it down.

Atticus had planned on bringing Alexis to the abandoned dorm to meet Chazz, but she'd come down with the flu, which had mysteriously vanished by the next morning. She'd been in the clinic that entire night, or so she'd claimed. He'd check with the nurse on that.

Jaden was too stupid to figure out how to perform a sex change. That knocked him off instantly. It also knocked Syrus and Chumley off the list as well. You know what they say, he decided. Stupidity catches.

Mindy and Jasmine were too nice to do anything to Chazz. Plus, they were complete airheads. They wouldn't be able to cut off Chazz's dick without wigging out on it. Both literally_ and _figuratively.

That narrowed the list to Zane... and Bastion. Both were extremely intelligent. Both were too intelligent. Either could pull off an extremely calculated sex change with ease, and both were calm enough to do it maturely.

Atticus tapped his finger on their names. He'd be having a long talk with his buddy Zane. And then he'd be paying Ra dorms a visit. There was a man killer at Duel Academy.

---

It was late night, again. Chazz was just getting to sleep when there was a timid knock on the door.

"For the love of..." Chazz grunted and glanced at his clock. "What the hell is he doing here at midnight?"

For it could only be one person. The one and only... Jaden Yuki.

Sure enough, when a disgruntled Chazz yanked the door open, a wet and tired-looking Jaden stood outside. It was last night all over again.

"What?" Chazz demanded.

"Um... could I..."

"Use my toilet?" Chazz snarled.

"No, um... Stay with you tonight?" Jaden asked hesitantly, scratching his neck.

Chazz almost said no and slammed the door. But curiosity got the better of him. "Why aren't you at your dorm?"

Jaden sighed reluctantly. "Some guys from Obelisk came and flooded our dorm. Again," he added with some trepidation. "I think they used the toilet water this time..."

Chazz shuddered and peered over Jaden's shoulder. "Where are Chumley and Syrus?"

Jaden sighed again. "The Obelisk guys took them hostage again." Then, at Chazz's look of shock, he quickly added, "I don't think it's_ too _serious. Alexis usually takes care of that for us. You know, since they're scared of her, I guess."

"They took Chumley and Syrus _hostage_?" Chazz demanded. "Why don't you report this to Banner?"

"Oh, you know," Jaden shrugged. "They threaten to flush our heads down the toilet and stuff if we tell. They think it's fun, I guess. Although I don't really think so. It takes a while for the room to dry sometimes."

Chazz held the door open for Jaden. "Fine, you can stay tonight. Just... tell Banner tomorrow about the Obelisk kids. They shouldn't be flooding dorm rooms." A twinge of guilt flooded Chazz's mind. Only a month ago, he probably would have been one of those Obelisk boys, flooding Slifer dorm rooms and taking kids hostage. '_But you're a Slifer girl now,'_ the voice in his mind said. '_Maybe you'll learn something from all this.'_

Jaden pulled off his wet nightshirt and glanced around the tiny room for a spot to sleep. He settled on a spot next to the bed, under the window. It was a cramped spot, with hardly any room, but he didn't say anything.

Chazz glanced at his large bed and shook his head. _'I can't believe I'm going to do this..." _He cleared his throat. "Er, you can sleep on my bed tonight."

Jaden looked over at Chazz. "Really? Thanks, Charlene."

"No problem," Chazz said reluctantly. "But I have two rules. No touching me - at all - and use your own blanket. There are some in that cabinet over there."

'_He's Jaden Yuki. He doesn't know anything about how to be a pervert. Now, if he were Atticus, that's a whole different story, but it's Jaden. Come on. The worst that could happen is his snoring. Just pity the kid, Chazz. Plus, isn't he gay or something? He won't try to grope you as a girl.'_

"All right," Jaden said. He grabbed a blanket and curled up on the opposite side of the bed from Chazz. "Good night, Charlene."

Chazz turned off the light. "Right."

He pulled his blanket over his head and went to sleep.

**---To be continued---**

_Yay. Review, and I'll... sing you a song. Or... something. Better yet, review and I WON'T sing you a song. Yeah, you don't want me singing. Trust me. Sorry for grammatical errors and random suckiness, I'm too tired to care. I'll update as soon as I feel like it. Ta._


	6. Quidnunc

_**Whee: ** Yay. I've got Don Henley to keep me company. :D (I'll give a cookie to whomever knows who Don Henley is.:3)_

_**Disclaimer: **Atticus would show up in the anime more often if I owned it. Because he is froooooody. As froody as Don Henley. :P_

_**Warnings: **OOCness, one-sided JadenXChazz, dub names. Blah. Oh, and Atticus-ness. :3_

_**Chapter Six: Quidnunc**_

**Dear Diary:**

**Poor Chazzy-poo has gone _mad_. I think he's developing feelings for our darling Jaden-chan. Kun. Sensei. Meh. Hmm... Or _Jaden_ has feelings for Chazz... Well, whatever the case, I will not rest, I will not sleep for an instant, until our man-killer, whether it be Bastion or Zane, is brought to justice. **

**-Atty**

---

There was another knock at Chazz's door at six-thirty the next morning.

Grunting, Chazz opened an eye and almost had a heart attack before he remembered the previous night. Jaden was snoring peacefully, half his body was hanging off the bed, and he was making wild gestures (that looked slightly like Jaden was trying to duel in his sleep).

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Chazz sighed, and started to head to the door. Then he froze. They'd see Jaden. In a girl's dorm. With a girl. Sleeping. In the bed. Oh, it would be horrible. All the rumors...

"Come on, man. Open up, yo."

Chazz breathed deeply. It was just Atticus... Then he thought about that for another second.

Shit, it was _Atticus._

"No, go away," Chazz yelped. "I'm-I'm... NAKED!"

This succeeded in nothing but making Atticus more insistent that Chazz open the door. '_Pervert,'_ Chazz thought grumpily, shoving the door closed again. "What part of 'I'm naked' did you _not_ get?"

"Oh, I got the _whole_ thing," came the muffled reply. "Although I do believe you're just saying that to get me to go away."

"I hate you."

"The feeling's mutual, sugar."

"Don't call me that, ass."

There was a loud grunt from the bed, and Jaden sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What's going on, Charlene?"

Chazz grimaced. He knew what was next.

"Was that a voice I heard?" Atticus asked.

"No, now go away."

"Jaden, is that you?"

Chazz made a slashing motion with his hand, but Jaden, unfortunately, did not catch it.

"Yeah... Atticus?"

A grin was seeping over Atticus' face. "Oh, this is interesting..."

Chazz wrenched open the door, grabbed Atticus' arm, and pulled him into the room, slamming the door behind him. "Listen to me, Atticus. Not a soul will hear about this or you die. It is not what it looks like, his dorm got flooded out last night by jerks in _your _dorm. And then Syrus and Chumley were held hostage by said boys."

Atticus frowned. "That would explain why Alexis was screaming at those boys this morning. Which is odd, I assumed it to be PMS." A smile crept onto his face. "Wait, then why was Jaden sleeping in your bed? With you in it?"

_I felt pity for him? I'm secretly a bisexual whore? What do you want me to say, Atticus? _"Umm..."

Normally, Chazz's "um" response gave everyone the notion that he was finished with his sentence and for the whole discussion to be dropped. However, both Atticus and Jaden were staring intently at him, waiting for a response that was longer than one word.

"That's pretty much it," Chazz said, shrugging.

Atticus sighed. "You make a terrible-" He dropped off the last word, which was going to be "girl," because he'd just noticed that Jaden was listening in on the conversation. "-conversation maker."

There was an awkward pause between Atticus and Chazz, but Jaden didn't seem to notice.

"I should go now," Jaden said brightly, breaking the long silence. "See you later, Charlene, Atticus."

And without another word, the brunette swept out of the room, humming happily, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Atticus gave Chazz a cocky grin. "Good thing he's a space cadet, eh Chazzy? He might have found you out."

Chazz sat on the edge of his bed and sighed in frustration. "Have you figured out who did this to me yet?"

Atticus grinned wider. "As a matter of fact, I've narrowed it down to two people."

Chazz jerked his head up. "Well? Who?"

Atticus paused, possibly for dramatic effect. He breathed a few times, grinned inwardly at the annoyed glare on Chazz's face, and spread his arms wide. "_Why_, you _haven't _figured it _out_, Chazz?"

Chazz's eye twitched, and Atticus heaved a dramatic sigh. "Well, if you must insist..." He paused again and closed his eyes in a more dramatic gesture. "Why, it's Zane Truesdale and Bastion Misawa, silly," he said finally, as if he were talking to a three-year-old.

Chazz's mouth fell open.

---

Meanwhile, Jaden Yuki was humming loudly as he shook out his damp uniform. _Maybe Charlene does like me! _he thought happily, putting on the uniform. "Hey, Sy. Chumley. Alexis."

Alexis Rhodes had just walked into the dorm, fuming, with a wary Syrus and Chumley behind her.

"Those _idiots_!" she yelled. "Holding Slifers hostage? What's next, flooding a dorm with toilet-" she sniffed the air. "Oh, that _does_ it. _Excuse_ me while I go _MURDER_ the idiot responsible."

"Bye, Lex!" Jaden called out, oblivious to the situation at hand.

Alexis waved a hand over her shoulder as she stalked off toward Professor Banner's room, possibly to inform him of the going-ons at his dorm.

Jaden rubbed Syrus' head. "So. How bad was it this time?"

Syrus thought for a moment. "This time, they stuffed us into a closet. It was pretty cramped, but bearable... until _someone _had to fart." He gave Chumley a withering glare, and Chumley flushed red.

"I haven't had my grilled-"

"Don't want to hear it, Chum," Syrus interrupted. "Just... no."

Jaden glanced back at Charlene's room as the three of them headed toward breakfast, Chumley and Syrus arguing. '_What's going on with her and Atticus, I wonder...?' _He spotted Professor Banner, who looked furious as Alexis spoke to him. As soon as the usually amicable teacher saw his three students approaching, he strode quickly to their sides.

"Jaden, Chumley, Syrus," Banner said with a hint of irritability in his tone. "We need to talk."

Chumley exchanged a frantic glance with Syrus. "Uh, professor, we're hun-"

Banner cut him off with one swipe of his hand as he stared at the three Slifers sternly. "I need you to explain something that Alexis Rhodes has brought to my attention. Come to my room, and I want every detail."

---

Chazz was sitting in Banner's class that afternoon. Clearly, Banner had been informed about the issues with the Slifer dorms, since he was constantly snapping at Obelisks for no reason and basically being grouchy and bitter in general.

"You and you-" Banner jabbed a finger toward two of the ruder Obelisks, "-go get Dr. Crowler."

The two Obelisks frowned, but stood up anyway and headed toward Crowler's classroom to get him.

Banner cleared his throat as they closed the door. "While we're waiting for Dr. Crowler, something has been brought to my attention. As some of you are aware, there is tension between two of our dorms. This tension has never been stronger in the history of this school. I heard this morning that certain Obelisks have been acting in rude and intolerable manners... Ah. Dr. Crowler, glad you could come. Please, listen to this discussion, I wanted to hear your input on how this should be managed."

Crowler looked furious at being dragged all the way to Banner's class to hear some tripe about minor difficulties between Obelisks and Slifers. "I do hope this is very important, Lyman," he said stiffly. "You're interrupting my _own_ class, you see."

Banner peered at Crowler. "Oh, it is important, Dr. Crowler."

Everyone in the class shifted in their seats.

"Last night," Banner continued, "a group of Obelisk Blue students went over to the Slifer Red dorms. They kidnapped two Slifers, and flooded a few select dorms with toilet water."

A few Obelisks chuckled and some Slifers flushed as red as their blazers.

"This is not a laughing matter," Banner said stiffly, immediately silencing those Obelisks. "If I find out who did this - and I have a vague idea who it was - they are getting _expelled_ from this school, I assure you. Dr. Crowler, any words for these students of yours? They are in _your _dorm, after all."

Crowler scanned the sea of faces. "That is unacceptable behavior out of my Obelisks. You are already superior to the Slifers, they know that, you know that, there is no need to break school rules and resort to federal crimes. That is all, I need to get back to _my _class before certain individuals skip out on me... again." He mumbled something that sounded like _"Atticus..."_

Without another word, Crowler swished out of the classroom, leaving silence in his wake.

---

Later that evening, Bastion Misawa was writing an essay for Dr. Crowler, one that was supposed to be three pages long. He had already scribbled seven pages on "how to win with traps against a Jinzo deck." He had only written a quarter of what he wanted to say, and he was on a roll. That is, until someone hammered against his door.

Sighing, he finished up the formula he was working on and went to the door.

He opened it and gaped in surprise.

"Atticus, what are you doing here?"

Atticus pushed past Bastion and walked into the room. He walked around the room, peering up at the formulas scribbled all over the walls. He gestured at them and asked casually, "How can you understand this stuff? It's pretty much an ancient dialect of Mayan."

Bastion studied a formula. "That one _is_ Mayan," he agreed, pointing.

Shaking his head, Atticus plopped on Bastion's bed. "Listen, buddy, I have to talk to you about stuff."

Bastion frowned. He didn't know why Atticus Rhodes would be talking to him about "stuff" unless it had to do with some complicated math or science thing.

"I don't know why you'd be talking to me about 'stuff' unless it had to do with some complicated math or science thing, Atticus," he said in confusion.

"Yeah, I have been having trouble understanding some of Banner's stuff," Atticus mused. "That whole thing with radioactive decay and helium atoms or something... what are they called again?"

"Alpha particles?" Bastion suggested helpfully.

"Something like that, yeah. So if, hypothetically, I had an oxygen particle and a tin atom, they could decay to form krypton? And then if I had a positron and combined it with that one element that has a funny name, I would have to ask what you did with Chazz's manhood?"

Bastion was already not following the question, but the last bit threw him off completely. "I- wait, _what_?"

Atticus narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You heard me, Misawa."

Completely confuddled, Bastion looked at Atticus. "I have no clue what you're trying to-"

"_Admit it_!" Atticus flew off the bed and pointed at Bastion in a very MacGuyver-esque manner. (Provided he really knew who MacGuyver was.) "You lured Chazz Princeton into the abandoned dorm. Then you further lured him into a silent room where you raped and sodomized him, then whacked off his dick and gave him _highly_ sexy boobs! **_Didn't you_**?"

Poor Bastion Misawa was traumatized by this point. "What are you _babbling _about? I don't understand! Why would I _sodomize _Chazz Prince-" It hit him. "Wait. Did you just say he got his... whacked... _boobs_?" His eyes widened. "Chazz Princeton is... _Charlene_! Charlene _Parkins_! Oh my _god_, how the _hell _did this _happen_?" With this, he sat down on his bed and started shaking.

Atticus studied Bastion's face closely. Upon further reflection, maybe Bastion wasn't the alleged man-killer. He looked like he was going to throw up, and possibly be haunted by horrendous nightmares for the rest of his short existence. His face was stark-white and his eyes (and body) were twitching uncontrollably. _'Maybe I shouldn't have added the raping and sodomizing part,' _Atticus decided. Which left only one possible solution: Zane Truesdale had murdered Chazz Princeton's manliness.

"Sorry for bothering you, Bastion," Atticus said brightly. "Later, buddy."

He got a whimper in return, and left the room. He knew what must be done. He was going to ask Zane in the most subtle way possible what he'd done with Chazz.

---

"Zane, froodmeister, wait up."

Zane Truesdale turned around. "Atticus. What're you doing here?"

"Here" was outside Alexis' dorm room.

"I was going to ask _you _that, pal," Atticus said brightly.

"Er..." Zane flinched. "...Not doing anything?"

"Listen, Zanemeister, if you wanna eff my sister, I'm all for it-"

"I wasn't '_effing'_ your sister!" Zane said loudly, and slightly indignantly. '_**Too** indignantly,'_ Atticus decided, but he'd get over it. Alexis needed a sexy and wildly popular guy anyway. And maybe she'd mellow out if she got laid, who knows.

"Yeah, that's cool, pal, question. Answer."

Zane looked confused. "Eh?"

"If a tree falls in the forest, is Chazz's dick around to hear it?"

...So much for subtlety.

Zane opened his mouth to reply, then froze. "Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. _What?"_

"What is the sound of one hand cutting off Chazz's wee?" Atticus went on, completely maturely and nonplussed.

Zane buried his hands in his face. "What are you talking about?"

It was time for the long narrative. That was the only way to get Zane to admit to his dick-cutting, woman-turning-into ways.

"It was a dark and stormy night," Atticus said quietly. "The abandoned dorm was looming over the horizon, and a lone figure crept there in the hopes of finding his one true love. Unfortunately, another figure grabbed him from behind - in the most literal sense - and whacked off his EFFING _PENIS_!"

The last part startled Zane so much that he jumped almost two feet in the air. "_What_?"

"Admit it!" Atticus yelled, this time striking the Perry Mason "you're guilty and I can goddamn _prove _it!" pose.

Zane cowered under the might of the mighty Perry Mason pose. "I don't know what you're saying!" he wailed. "Admit to what?"

Suspiciously, Atticus decided to prove his point. "Where were you last Monday night?"

Zane thought for a second, then his face paled. "Oh. _That_. Um."

Satisfied, Atticus stood back. "Well?"

Zane mumbled something very quickly. "Shackingyoursistersbestfriends."

Atticus opened his mouth, then realized what had just been said. Now it was his turn to be dumbfounded. "Doing _what_?"

Zane cleared his throat in embarrassment. "Shacking Jasmine. And Mindy."

"At the _same time_?" Atticus asked in awe.

Zane nodded.

Atticus' mouth fell open. "Holy crap, dude! That's amazing! How was it?"

"Listen, as much as I'd love to stay and chitchat, I really must be going to... study. Yes. Study," Zane murmured, and promptly ran down the hall away from Atticus as fast as he could.

"Huh. I was wrong."

Atticus was back to square one. Who else was brilliant enough to pull off the sex change? Probably not any of the teachers. No. Banner wasn't creepy like that. Crowler was kind of creepy sometimes, but he wasn't a student molester type. No, it was definitely a student. But who...?

_**---To Be Continued---**_

_Yay, kind of long. Maybe. And... I thought it was slightly entertaining, right? Review. Please. I'm not going to bother threatening you... well, I COULD say that I won't update until I get twenty reviews for this chapter, but that's cruel, eh? So... yeah, the more people review, the faster I'll update, froods. Hasta luego, mis amigos._


	7. Idiocy

_**Lalala...: **Yay, I'm a sick pervert! n.n_

_**Disclaimer: **Must I say it every time? All I own is a Don Henley CD... and some other, unimportant stuff... Like a computer and a few shirts and whatever... Oh, and I got Chicago! Yay for 70s bands:3_

_**Warnings: **OOCness, one sided JadenXChazz, traumatized Bastion Misawa, man-killers. Who? Not even I know that, which is slightly on the sad part. But I've suddenly got a brilliant idea, so there you have it. Yes, now only I know who it was, ha. _

_**Chapter Seven: Idiocy**_

Atticus Rhodes was in shock. Not only was he wrong about the one responsible for Chazz's sex change, but he had learned that his best friend had just shacked his sister's best friends... _instead of his sister._

He went back to his dorm room and locked the door behind him. He needed some music to make him feel better. Unfortunately, Zane had "borrowed" his CD player, which meant he would never see it again, so that was out of the question.

Homework. He would do some good ol' fashioned homework. He still had that five hundred point research paper due for Crowler the next day. He could actually start on it. He opened his book and shuffled for the outline he was supposed to follow that he'd stuffed in there. He pulled out a piece of homework he could have sworn he'd turned in, and shrugged. "Plans for tonight"? What kind of assignment was that? Clearly, a five hundred point paper was more important than some random piece of homework, right? He threw the paper away and continued to look for his outline.

---

Jaden Yuki knocked on Bastion Misawa's dorm room door. "Hey, Bastion! I need to see your notes for Crowler's class, I think I might have thrown mine away."

There was a pause. Jaden was about to walk away and go borrow Syrus' notes, but he heard slow and heavy footsteps coming from inside the room, so he waited.

The door opened a crack. "Yes?" a voice on the other side whispered.

"Bastion, I need to borrow your notes for Crowler's class- woah, you look _awful, _are you sick or something?"

Bastion shifted and jerked his eyes around the area like a paranoid person might. "Where is he?" he whispered.

"Where is who?" Jaden asked, completely puzzled. "I think we need to take you to the nurse or something."

"We're not safe," Bastion went on in his creepy whisper. "They're everywhere... everywhere..."

Jaden scratched his head. "I don't follow, Bastion. Who's everywhere? What happened? Oh dear, you're all pale and stuff. We really should go to the nurse..."

"No!" Bastion shrieked, making Jaden jump about a foot in the air. "No, no! You'll never make me go back there! Noooo! You'll never take me alive!"

And with that, he slammed the door in the face of a very perplexed Jaden Yuki.

"Umm... okay..."

Jaden shook his head and went to go find Syrus.

---

Chazz Princeton was upset about being left out of the last chapter, so he decided to make another appearance. And yes, he was fairly pissed at Atticus, who had clearly spoken with Bastion and Zane before he got the chance to.

"Come on, Misawa!" he yelled at the closed door. "I swear, this is important! I won't try to take you to some mental asylum! Though that would be best for you," he added as an afterthought.

"Stay away! Away! SANCTUARY! The power of Christ compels you!"

After a few minutes, Chazz gave up and walked away from the frantic Ra Yellow student. He took three steps before running smack into Zane Truesdale himself, the next person Chazz needed to speak with.

"Hey, Zane," Chazz began.

Zane's eyes widened. "Oh, god. Please don't tell me Atticus was telling the truth. Are you really Chazz?"

Chazz glanced at the ground. "Um... yeah, about that... Atticus, he's a seriously unstable guy, you know? A little crazy, methinks. And a slightly unbalanced character. So you should heed him not as he attempts to tell people that I'm Chazz Princeton who had a sex change or anything like that. See, it's completely untrue, see? And he's a nut, right? Don't listen to the guy, man, that Atticus."

"You're babbling, Charlene," Zane said, frowning.

"So I am," Chazz said with a nervous laugh. "Well, it's been nice chatting with you, Syrus."

"Zane."

"Yes, him."

Chazz flashed Zane a big smile before hurrying off. One thing was certain: Atticus was dead. And for real this time.

---

Chancellor Sheppard shifted through his reports of how the school was doing. Still no sign of Chazz, Bastion Misawa had suffered some sort of severe mental breakdown, the Slifer dorms had suffered severe damages due to flooding, Atticus Rhodes' ukulele still hadn't been confiscated, Charlene Parkins was acting suspicious, and Seto Kaiba was going to kill him over the test scores on the academic tests.

He sighed. Might as well head Kaiba off somehow. And maybe give Misawa some therapy to help boost test scores.

---

Atticus took another long swig of his drink. "And tha' is why personses 'oo uses Bue Eyeses Whi' Dragoon sti' ah nooooobs." He smiled at his thirteen page report. His conclusion in itself was sure to gain him a top score. "Ah, 'oo is sexy, 'oo is..." he drawled, glancing at his mirror. "Yup, yup." He hiccuped. "Cower is gonna love meh pepper..." He grinned and took another swig.

---

The next day, Crowler was grading the research papers. There were some that were all right, maybe two that were pretty good, and several that were clearly written by a drunk monkey the night before. But when he picked up Atticus Rhodes' paper, he believed the term "drunk monkey" was too tame for it.

"Atticus, a word, please," Crowler called out after class.

Atticus rubbed his nose and winced against the bright lights and loud noises. He had a major headache, and he absolutely could _not _figure out why. "Yes, sir?"

Crowler held up Atticus' paper. "What is this?"

Atticus peered at it. "Um... a paper?"

"You wrote this," Crowler said, frowning.

"I did?" Atticus said in surprise.

"I sure hope not," Crowler said with a shudder. "The prompt for the paper was 'describe, in well-written paragraphs, how trap cards may be employed to their full potential in deck destruction decks.' This paper starts out with 'kittens are adorable and Chumley's Cyber Dragon forced me to shit on the Egyptian god cards.' It then proceeds into 'I shat myself when I heard someone insult the great anime god Julius Caesar.' And as soon as I couldn't bear to see how much worse it could get, I found this little piece that states that 'I gave Chazz a blow-job after turning him into a girl while I was severely drunk. Afterwords, I fell in love with _and_ laid Jaden's pet goat. Then, me and my new turkey wife went out and had sex in the middle of the street while...'" Crowler trailed off. "It gets pretty graphic after that, but I'm sure you get it. The point is, this is all... This is the worst thing I have ever read in my life. Even worse than that tripe by that Paolini guy."

Atticus scratched his head. "I can't recall actually writing that, sir." He smirked. "But you must admit, it was pretty funny."

---

Chazz was contemplating on how to get out of detention to find and murder Atticus when a sudden arrival made that completely unnecessary.

"Sir, I was kidding, honest-"

"Shut up, Atticus," Crowler said grumpily, shoving him into the detention room with Chazz. "Have a nice long time thinking about how you're going to bring your failing grade up after that horrible travesty."

He slammed the door behind him as he stalked out.

Atticus sighed, but brightened up at the sight of Chazz. "Hey, you're in here? Cool. Hey, what are you doing? Where did you get that chainsaw? Chazz? Um, Chazz, that's not safe- Chazz, what are you doing? Hey, that's- Holy shit! Stop that! Aaaaah!"

Chazz lunged at Atticus with a chainsaw that he had produced from (seemingly) nowhere. Atticus barely dodged it and dove for cover behind a desk. "Chazz, what is this all about?"

"No, I've been tolerant up until now," Chazz snarled, swinging the chainsaw at Atticus' head and (fortunately for Atticus) missed. "Thanks to your idiocy, Bastion Misawa is a paranoid lunatic who needs psychiatric help - badly - and now Zane is going to tell the entire fucking school-" He swung again, and Atticus ducked under a chair. "-that I am Chazz Princeton, who was turned into a GIRL by GOD KNOWS WHO! _You die, Atticus Rhodes!"_

---**_To Be Continued_**---

_Whee, review now. Or else. Sorry for the shortness and stuff, but hey. Be glad I decided to update at all, nya._


	8. Innuendos

_**Nyeee: **I have nothing interesting to say. Except that I have three days of school left. Yippee! But then there are finals, which sucks balls... Damn school requirements..._

_**Warnings: **Language, one-sided JadenXChazz, violence, OOCness, dub names, o noes!_

_**Disclaimer: **I write this because I clearly have nothing better to do with my life. I sadly make no money off this. If I did, it would be **slightly**__illegal._

_**Chapter Eight: Innuendos**_

Atticus froze, glancing wearily at the massive chainsaw. It was coming closer... and closer... and even closer...

"Chazz, man, this is a really unfunny joke."

Chazz held the chainsaw above his head. "Joke? Ha. Was it a joke when you turned me into a girl? Was it a _joke_, Atticus? Because I missed whatever humor resulted from it."

Atticus scrambled backwards as the chainsaw nailed the floor and got stuck. "Chazz, I swear I would never strip a man of his dignity like that. Honest."

Chazz tugged at the chainsaw, and it finally became dislodged. "Bullshit. Let's see how funny it'll be after I strip _you _of _your _manhood. Bye, Atticus... hello _Alice_."

Perhaps it was the rush of adrenaline men get before facing (un)certain death, or maybe it was just incense from being called "Alice," but Atticus gained new found strength. Enough of it to scream like a little girl for help to the first teacher he could think of, anyway.

"PROFESSOR BAAAAAANNEEEEEER! EEEEEK!"

SMASH!

Chazz was having a day full of bad aim. Either that, or Atticus was just goddamn lucky.

Atticus liked to think he was lucky. Lucky enough that one of the teachers had heard his frantic cry for help. Maybe. Oh, he sure hoped someone had heard him...

The door flew open. Hopefully, Atticus glanced at the door, expecting to see Banner or Crowler standing at the door. Looks like his run of luck had, well, run out.

Or had it?

"Jaden!" Atticus cried, diving behind the perplexed Slifer boy. "Save me from your insane girlfriend!"

"Um..." Jaden looked down at the cowering boy, and pointed at Chazz. "Her? She's not my-"

"SAVE ME, YOU IDIOT!" Atticus shrieked.

"Er... How exactly-"

"Kiss her!"

"...Eh?"

"Kiss her, damn it! Kiss!" Atticus continued his maniacal shriek. "She needs love! She's a suicidal maniac who hates everyone!"

_Suicidal maniac who hates everyone? _Jaden thought, frowning. _Sounds like someone I know... Wait... Chazz was a suicidal maniac who hated everyone, too... _"Um. I don't think kissing will do any-"

"DO IT, YOU MORON!"

Jaden huffed. "Keep that up and I'll let her carve you like a turkey, Atticus."

Atticus shut up.

"Now, just to get one thing straight," Jaden said as if nothing had happened and Chazz wasn't weilding a chainsaw built to take out entire rain forests. "If I kiss her, she'll stop trying to kill you?"

_Me, yes. You won't be quite as lucky. Sorry pal, but this is every man for himself. _"Yeah."

"She won't try and kill **_me_**, right?" Jaden pressed.

"Nope." _She'll succeed. There's no "trying" involved._

"All right. Here goes."

And with that, Jaden Yuki walked over to the girl who had stopped her attempted murder of Atticus Rhodes to fix the chain on the chainsaw, grabbed her by the shoulders, and pressed his mouth over hers into a long and passionate kiss.

Passionate for one side, at any rate.

Chazz merely stood there, frozen in utter shock, as Jaden shoved his mouth over half Chazz's face. The only sound Chazz managed to utter was "Hmphy fumph!" which was apparently supposed to be "holy fuck!" or something of the like, but was covered up by Jaden's mouth. For some reason, Chazz didn't knee the boy in the dick right there. He merely assumed that it was due to his utter shock and revulsion at Jaden kissing him.

Then he realized that it wasn't really all that revolting.

Then he almost threw up in Jaden's mouth for thinking that.

Then he remembered that he had major homework due tomorrow that he hadn't so much as _glanced _at.

Then he realized that it wasn't the time to be thinking about homework.

Then he realized that he had been in a lip-lock with Jaden Yuki for three whole minutes while he thought about homework, and he was slowly suffocating.

Then he realized that in those three minutes of inactivity, Atticus had made a bold getaway.

_Damn it._

---

Chazz hid in his room for the next two days, not even leaving for food. There was NO WAY IN HELL that he was going to be able to so much as _glance _at Jaden, ever again. Or anyone for that matter. _What was with him, anyway? Why did he have to come and kiss me like that? It was insanity! _

Chazz didn't even know Jaden knew how to kiss, let alone like that. He slapped himself mentally. _No, you can't think that way. Obviously, this whole "being-turned-into-a-girl" thing is obstructing your reason. You're just out of it. You're a girl - a rather hot girl - but that's not the point. Of course guys were going to hit on you. _

_But, Jaden! _Chazz argued. _**Jaden**! He's a moron! Why the hell doesn't he go back to hitting on Alexis?_

_Because he clearly loves your _great _personality._

_You're going to die in about three seconds._

_Then so will you._

_...Shut up._

The conversation in his head went on like this for quite some time, before there was a knock on the door. Banner's voice, muffled, called out, "Charlene? This is the second day you've blown off class. I don't enjoy it when people ditch my class."

_Damn it. _Chazz dived under the bed. ...Or tried to, before he realized that the bed was about six inches off the floor. The resounding crash was sure to give his position away.

"Charlene, _what on earth _are you _doing _in there?"

Chazz could only think of one thing to do. He ripped off his clothes and dove under the covers on his bed. He grabbed his pillow and pulled it under the covers.

"Oh!" he cried in his best girl voice. "Ah, ah! Oooh! Yeah, uh, uh! Mmm... Uuuh!" He even bounced a little to make the bed squeak loudly. "Yeah, oh, that's it..."

Banner froze, his hand on the doorknob. _What the-_

"Oh, OH! MORE!"

_On second thought..._

Banner released the doorknob and backed slowly away. "I need to talk to Chancellor Sheppard about this..."

As soon as Chazz was certain that Banner was gone, he slipped out of his bed and pulled his clothes back on.

_Close one, Chazz._

---

Jaden stared across the sea, legs dangling on the edge of the half-decimated pier and into the water. He wasn't sure why Charlene had just... stood there... while they were kissing. He had half expected her to knee him in the crotch, but she didn't. She _almost_ seemed surprised. In a good way, too.

"Hey, Jay."

Jaden turned his head. "Oh, hi Sy."

Syrus sat down next to him. "You look preoccupied."

Jaden shrugged. "I dunno, I get weird feelings every time I think of Charlene..."

Syrus pushed his glasses up his nose. "What kind of weird feelings?"

There was silence from the other Slifer boy for a little while, and Syrus was fixing to ask the question again when Jaden finally replied.

"Like... my face gets all warm, and it feels like my stomach is twisting around," Jaden said with a worried frown. "Maybe I'm sick? I should get to the nurse."

Syrus grinned. "Nah, I think..." Dramatically, he pushed his glasses back up his nose and stroked his chin. "I think you're in _love_ with Charlene Parkins."

Jaden choked. "In- In _love_?"

Syrus nodded wisely. "I think your raging hormones are telling you that you want to lay Charlene."

"Lay her where?" Jaden asked, genuinely puzzled.

The teal haired boy slapped his forehead. "In _bed, _silly! Where else?" Clearly, he didn't realize that Jaden thought Syrus really meant what he'd said - to lay her down somewhere.

"Is she sick, too?" Jaden asked, cocking his head, still utterly perplexed.

Syrus let out a weary sigh. "_No_, I mean... you know..." Syrus leaned his head closer to Jaden's and whispered dramatically, "_Your body wants to have sex with Charlene's body_."

"Sex? What's that?"

It took the better part of an hour for Syrus to explain what sex was, and another two hours to describe the reasoning behind it. When he'd finished, he let out a long sigh. "Got it?"

Jaden scratched his forehead in frustration. "I think so. Basically, I should go make children with Charlene?"

The loud _GAAAH! _resulting from this simple proclamation was loud enough to attract none other than the Love Master himself, who had, coincidentally, been taking a walk through the woods.

"Heeeeeey, wazzup?" Atticus asked brightly, placing an arm around both boys' shoulders.

"Atticus, thank goodness you're here!" Syrus exclaimed.

Atticus immediately released Syrus's shoulder and backed up. "I don't like that look."

"Jaden here doesn't understand the meaning behind sex," Syrus explained. "I explained it to the best of my knowledge, but... you know how it is better than I do, right?"

"I resent that," Atticus said.

There was an awkward pause.

"However true it may be," he muttered. "Fine, fine... Jaden, my boy, it's time to learn some pick-up lines."

"Pick-up lines?"

---

Chazz spent another day in his room, slowly starving to death. He _could _go get some food from the commons, but that would mean coming face-to-face with Banner, Jaden, and pretty much the entire dorm. He was _positive _that Jaden had told everyone about the "kiss." In fact, everyone in the school except Bastion Misawa probably knew about it - only because Bastion had been locked in the infirmary for the past three days.

There was a knock on the door.

Chazz whimpered and pulled his blanket over his head again.

"Hey, Charlene?"

Jaden. _How can he even show his face here?_

"Um, I just wanted to say... sorry."

Chazz listened.

Outside, Jaden was pressed on by Atticus, who had given him a notecard titled "Sure-Fire Ways To Get The Ladies." Jaden cleared his throat nervously and continued.

"I shouldn't have kissed you without warning - or approval - and I apologize for that. I also apologize for interrupting your attempted murder of Atticus, who everyone thinks should just drop dead of herpes - what are-?"

There was muttering outside the door, and Jaden went on again. "AIDS. Right. Anyway, I just wanted... wanted..."

Chazz was even halfway to the door to accept the apology (fortunately for Jaden, "Charlene" hadn't noticed the side conversations going on outside). That was before he heard the next part.

"I want to be your love torpedo."

_...Great. Corny sexual innuendos, this is clearly the work of Detective Asshole the Retarded._

_**---To Be Continued---**_

_You know the drill. Review, por favor, or I will not update. Ever. Muahahah._


	9. Testing

_**Hallo: **Augh, I'm stupid. I got a mere 1707 on my SATs. That is pathetic, and I will fail at life. See you at Burger King, my favorite reviewers._

_**Warnings: **OOCness, one-sided JadenXChazz, dub names... yadda yadda yadda... And this chapter, Chazz will be known as Charlene. Head's up._

_**Disclaimer: **-insert witty disclaimer here-_

_**Chapter Nine: Testing**_

Jaden realized, almost as soon as the door was whipped open, that he had made a severe misjudgment in the case of Charlene Parkins. He wasn't sure what pissed her off - was it the fact that it was late, or was it something else? He racked his memory. _Did I say something stupid? I don't think I did. Atticus told me **exactly** what to say, and he's a genius!_

Charlene was wearing a horrible expression of utter rage mixed with the deepest of loathing. Atticus, from his spot in the bushes outside the door, wouldn't have been surprised if she had started spitting venom. _Did Jaden say something stupid? I don't think he did. I told him **exactly** what to say, and I'm a genius!_

Charlene's fingers were flexing oddly. Jaden got the feeling that she was itching to throttle him, and with good reason.

She was.

_"Why are you here?" _Her voice. Scathing. Evil. So... _Chazz-like._

Jaden shuddered and shrank back from her Gaze of Utter Demise. "Ah..." He had no response. "I was coming to... a-a-a-a..."

"A what?" Charlene asked slowly, her eyes narrowing.

"A-ap-apo..."

"_Apologize?"_ Charlene said in a calm, yet loud, voice.

Jaden cringed and shrunk back. "Yes! Yes, yes!"

"Yes, I knew _that_," Charlene replied. "You said that already."

"Um," was all that Jaden said. What else could he have said? "Oh yes, Charlene! Have I told you lately that I love you?" No. She probably would have hit him over the head with something large, blunt, and rusty. Like a pole or a sixth-century mace or something.

"And you also apparently want to be my 'love torpedo,'" Charlene went on.

"Er-"

"And now I have to ask you this." Charlene stepped outside and peered around. "Where's Detective Retard?"

"Who?"

Charlene scowled. "Atticus, you nimrod."

"Oh. Ah..." Jaden pointed at the bushes. "In there, I think."

In less than three seconds, Charlene had yanked Atticus out of the bushes, punched him in the face, and gave him a swift kick in the crotch. "You, sir, are an _ass._"

Atticus whimpered in pain. "So says my sister and several of the world's leading psychiatrists."

Clearly, the sector of his miniscule brain that created his witty remarks hadn't been affected by the pain. So Charlene kicked him again, just because. Then (ignoring Atticus's wails of pain) she turned to Jaden again. "Okay, if you're going to apologize, do it _without_ Atticus's ghetto sexual innuendos. Because, contrary to what he believes, the said sexual innuendos are both retarded and overused. Like Atticus."

"Look, just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it doesn't mean I don't understand what's going on here," Atticus objected, still lying on the ground, doubled over in agony.

"What's an-" Jaden began in confusion.

"Nothing," Charlene interrupted, shuddering at the thought of _anything _having an orgasm due to Atticus. "You were saying?"

Jaden opened his mouth and paused. "I... think I was going to ask you if you would accept any apology that I would happen to make for you."

Charlene screwed up her eyes as she tried to worm her way through the excessive pronouns. "Sure. Sure, now will you go away?"

Jaden shrugged. "Sure." He turned around, then stopped again. "Oh, and Chancellor Sheppard wanted to see you in his office as soon as possible."

Charlene scowled. "Fine." She headed off toward Sheppard's office with a feeling that death could not come too soon for her.

---

"Here's the test," Sheppard said without so much as a hello when Charlene entered his office five minutes later.

"Hello to you, too," Charlene said, slightly taken aback. "And test? What test?"

Sheppard sighed as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe. "Your _dorm advancement test_."

Charlene froze. "Right now?"

"No, next Thursday," Sheppard snarled. "Yes, _now_."

His reaction was very un-Sheppard-ish. Usually, he was either in a happy mood, a bored mood, or a grim mood - never snippy or rude. It took Charlene aback. "Sir? You okay?"

And with that, Sheppard flung himself forward onto Charlene's shoulders and started sobbing his life story into her shoulder. Apparently, Dorothy had refused him on a date offer, and instead went on a date with Dr. Crowler, and-

"Sir, I think you're overreacting," Charlene gasped, trying to push him off her. "I mean, Crowler's not that bad of a guy - unattractive, yeah, but..."

The door opened, and Professor Banner walked in. "Oh."

He saw Chancellor Sheppard smothering Charlene, and Charlene pushing at him. His immediate thought was _Sheppard is raping Charlene! _He squeezed Pharaoh in horror, and the cat meowed loudly.

"Um. Chancellor?"

Sheppard looked up through hazy eyes. "Lyman? What are you doing here?"

Banner adjusted his glasses and gave a small, embarrassed cough. "Ah, you asked me to oversee Charlene's testing?"

Sniffling, Sheppard rubbed his nose and pointed at the test. "Yeah, thanks." He ushered the two out of his office.

"Well, that was interesting," Banner commented as they walked back to Slifer Red dorm.

"No, not really," Charlene muttered.

"Yeah, you're right." Banner sighed, and the two were silent until they got to the dorms. Banner led Charlene to the common room, which was mercifully empty. "You have an hour."

Charlene sat at the table and wrote her name on the paper.

_Question One:_

_Name a minimum of three types of Spell cards._

She snorted. If the rest of the test was that easy, she'd be in Ra Yellow before sundown. She wrote _Quick-play, Field, and Equip _on her paper and looked at number two.

_Question Two:_

_What is one card you could use to negate the effect of "Emergency Provisions"?_

---

An hour later, Charlene set the test in front of Banner. "Listen, I've had fun, but I'm afraid that test was the single most pitiful excuse for a placement exam that I've ever-"

"You're not finished, Charlene," Banner said, smiling.

Charlene frowned. "I'm not?"

Banner shook his head. "You have to pass the practical part of the exam before passing on to Ra Yellow."

Charlene sighed. "I have to duel you?"

"Goodness no!" Banner said, laughing, struck with sudden inspiration. "You have to duel Jaden Yuki!"

"NOOOOOO!"

---

Jaden was wearing his pajamas and a confused expression at 10:30 that night. Banner had dragged him out of bed and dragged him to the dueling arena without telling him _why_.

"Professor, why am I-" he began with a yawn.

"You're going to duel Charlene!" Banner announced happily, stoking an exhausted Pharaoh.

"I-"

"No, Professor!" Charlene wailed. "I don't want to duel Jaden! Can't I just... just... Can I duel Bastion Misawa? If I can _beat _a Ra, maybe it'll prove that I can _be _a Ra!"

"He's not here," Banner replied.

Charlene cringed. "Where is he, then?"

Banner adjusted his glasses again. "Misawa is in a psychiatric ward in... Canada." _Was it Canada? Where's the poor kid from, anyway? _"He'll be back once he's no longer mentally scarred for life, and can actually tell us what happened. Doctors suspect Atticus Rhodes is involved, as Misawa keeps repeating the words 'sex change, hermaphrodite, her, no, cat, banjo, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconosis,' and 'Atticus' over again, in that order. So, without further ado, shuffle your decks and have a friendly duel!"

_Shit! _Charlene thought desperately. _Jaden beat me twice, maybe other times I can't remember, possibly due to drunkness or a convenient lapse in memory... Anyway, it's his fault I got run out of this school in the first place! Granted, my brothers also played a huge role in humiliating me in front of the fuggin' world, but Jaden's the one who actually beat me. In retrospect, Misawa also beat me, so maybe it's not so bad that I'm not dueling him, 'cause I might get my ass handed to me again, but why do I have to duel Jaden? I seriously need to- oh no! I only have my "Chazz" deck! What if they figure it out, that I'm really Chazz Princeton? What do I do? Okay, I have to play it like a mere coincidence. Yeah, a coinci-_

"Uh, Charlene?" Jaden snapped his fingers in front of Charlene's face. "You okay in there? I asked if I could have your deck."

"Yeah, hold on, let me... go to the bathroom. Really quick," Charlene said desperately, thrusting her deck into Jaden's hands.

"Okay," Jaden said with a shrug, shuffling them.

Charlene sprinted out of the arena. Instead of heading toward the bathroom, however, she ran to the Obelisk dorms.

_I can't believe I'm about to do this..._

---

Atticus looked surprised at his visitor. "My goodness, it's late at night and who do we have here?" He smirked suggestively.

"Keep it up, pal," Charlene warned. "Listen, I need..." She cringed, as if it were causing her physical pain to say it.

"Need _what_?" Atticus asked, barely suppressing a grin.

"A favor," Charlene said through gritted teeth.

Atticus laughed. "Oh, that's great. Wait, where's my recorder? I must record that. The great Chazz Princeton came to Atticus Rhodes for help? Boy trouble again, Chazzmeister?"

"No, more like..." Charlene flung her hands up. "I have to duel Jaden."

"When?"

"Five minutes ago."

"Ah."

"Can you help me get out of it?" Charlene asked desperately.

Atticus stroked his chin. "I think I can shut down the power, yeah."

"I had 'kill Jaden' in mind, actually..." Charlene sighed, and gave in. "All right, fine. Quickly."

---

Charlene walked into the arena five minutes later.

"What took you so long?" Banner asked, glancing at his watch.

"Oh, you know, stuff. Minor details, really," Charlene said evasively.

"Like what?" Banner said, not catching the evasiveness in Charlene's tone.

"Period? Did you have to go back for a tampon?" Syrus asked, a little too eagerly.

"Like I said, details, who needs 'em?" Charlene said loudly.

"Anyway, time to get your game on!" Jaden announced giddily. Then his face fell. "That's still such a retarded battle cry..."

"Do you need a moment?" Banner asked.

"Nah, I think I'll be okay," Jaden said with a sigh. "Can't be much worse than 'Chazz it up,' can it?"

"No," Charlene agreed. "Here, let me go first." She drew. "Excellent. I activate 'Power Goes Out,' an excellent spell card. One that will gain me a definite advantage."

"I've never heard of this 'Power Goes Out' card," Jaden said. "What does it do?"

"This!" Charlene held up her hands much like a football ref would when someone kicked a field goal.

And with that, the power went out.

_**---To Be Continued---**_

_I have nothing to say. If you're not reviewing, not much I can say, is there? Except that you make me sad._


	10. Realizations

_**Frack-tasticness: **Soccer almost every day on top of summer school. That is all that needs to be said._

_**Warnings: **Dub names, JadenXChazz fluffiness, OOCness, psycho Misawa... and not much humor. Serious, YIKES. Times ten._

_**Disclaimer: **I had a witty one, but I forgot what it was. _

_**Chapter 10: Realizations**_

The arena was silent, dark. Chazz smiled, pleased with this "get-out-of-duel-free" opportunity before he realized that it was _so _dark that he couldn't see the exit. _Anywhere_. '_Fuck!' _he thought angrily, and, for good measure, yelled it.

Jaden was rooted to the ground, deciding it was best not to move in the darkness, when he heard a yell of anger.

'_Who was that?' _he thought curiously. '_It's so familiar... I KNOW I've heard it before...' _His initial thought was 'Oh, it's Charlene.' But that couldn't be right, it just... didn't sound like Charlene. He searched his memory for clues and came up blank. Still, it was so familiar, recognizable, routine...

_"Congratulations. You can use a thesaurus!"_

The voice echoed through his mind. Who said it? Who was it?

"Charlene, this isn't funny." Banner's voice broke the odd silence.

"It wasn't meant to be." Charlene's voice! Yet... no... it didn't sound like Charlene! Well, it did, but... it didn't, at the same time. Someone he knew... Frustrated, he shook his head and tapped his foot impatiently. Footsteps echoed through the pitch-black arena, and Jaden could only assume it was Banner trying to activate the emergency lights.

_"You're pitiful, Jaden - jumping up and down like some fool, never taking anything serious. That's why you'll never be a champion. It takes discipline to win. You need to have a sense of duty. You need to have some kind of plan! Well I have a plan! And I have a sense of duty! That's why I'm going to beat you, Jaden!"_

That's when it hit Jaden Yuki.

Out of the still darkness, his voice called out quietly, "Chazz?"

The flood lights came on, and through the dimness, Jaden realized that Charlene Parkins was no longer in the arena.

'_Was Chazz here or am I just going crazy...?' _Jaden thought, shaking his head in confusion. _'I would bet my deck that he was in here! And that's a pretty big bet, since my deck is the best in this whole school...'_

"Jaden, are you coming? It seems Charlene ran off."

Jaden jerked in surprise and realized that Banner, Syrus, Chumley, and Alexis were waiting at the door for him while he was lost in his thoughts.

_'Chazz...'_

"Yeah, I'm coming."

---

Chazz was hunched on his bed as Atticus chuckled. The two had cut the power and fumbled for the door, narrowly escaping before Banner activated the flood lights. As they had escaped, Chazz could have sworn that someone had called out his name - _his _name, _his_!

"You look preoccupied," Atticus commented cheerily. "Anything the matter?"

"Maybe," Chazz said slowly. "Did you hear anything when we were leaving?"

Atticus gave him a strange look. "No. Nobody said anything, Chazz. Why?"

_'No, I KNOW I heard something,' _Chazz thought. '_I'm positive... wait... it was Jaden! Jaden knows who I am! This is bad..._

_'...Or is it? Will Jaden care that I'm Chazz Princeton? Will he be revolted, or will he just flash that annoying grin and say "Chazz, you made one heck of a girl!"? I kissed him, damn it! What will he think when he finds out that his first kiss, one that he thought was from a girl named Charlene Parkins, it was really from Chazz Princeton?'_

Chazz could think of no response for this question. Then, he realized that Atticus was talking, and had been for quite some time.

"...been in the psycho ward for almost a week now, poor kid," Atticus was saying. "I just think the poor, under appreciated kid just got stressed out. A bunch. Just snapped, you know?"

"Sure," Chazz said, distracted.

"I think he needs a girlfriend-" And with that, Atticus went into a long talk about all the possible girls he could hook Misawa up with when the Ra boy got back from wherever he really was.

Chazz wasn't listening; he merely nodded and said "yeah, sure" whenever Atticus paused for breath. He was really thinking about who had given him a sex change, the one responsible for all his troubles. His mind ran over a list of possible suspects. He eliminated many of them, until he reached a few. He thought about it for a second.

That's when it hit him like a truck headed west on Route 66.

"...would be good, don't you think, Chazz? Chazz?" Atticus frowned at Chazz's vacant expression, and waved a hand in front of Chazz's face. "You alive, pal?"

Chazz turned his head slowly and looked at Atticus firmly. "I have to go tell Jaden."

"Tell him what?" Atticus asked, puzzled. "If you go to him, he'll ask why you ran off-"

"And I'll tell him exactly why I ran off, Atticus," Chazz replied heavily. "Be back soon."

Atticus watched the door slam behind Charlene Parkins and he let out a sigh. "No you won't, Chazz..."

---

I bet everyone is curious as to what happened to our favorite genius. Well, he did end up in a mental asylum, but he was definitely improving. In fact, he was improving so much that the doctors were planning on letting him go back to Duel Academy within the next few days.

"And how are we today, Mr. Misawa?" the cheery nurse with short brown hair and twinkling blue eyes asked, setting Misawa's medications on the table next to him.

"Atticus," Bastion supplied helpfully.

"Excellent!" the nurse smiled, and hummed as she handed him a cup of juice. "Take your meds, Bastion, sweetie. Do you need anything?"

"Sex change," Bastion said, swallowing his pills and washing them down with his juice.

The nurse giggled. "Oh, you are too funny. Have fun, Bastion! Chancellor Sheppard is coming to visit in a few minutes. I'll go get him right now."

"No!" Bastion cried, breaking his odd pattern of words.

The nurse froze halfway out the door. "I'm sorry?"

Bastion beckoned for her frantically, and she rushed back to the bed. "What is it, Bastion?" she whispered, taking his hand and patting it. "Something wrong?"

"Not Sheppard!" Bastion whispered hoarsely. "Atticus... no... sex change!"

"Hon, I don't under-"

"I think I can take it from here," said a deep voice from the doorway.

"Chancellor Sheppard?" the nurse asked, eyes widening. "I thought I told you to wait down-"

"I needed to speak with Mr. Misawa," Sheppard interrupted as if the nurse hadn't said anything. "Please do not disturb us, I really don't have time for this."

"Of-of course." The nurse gave the two a confused glance before closing the door behind her.

"So, Bastion," Sheppard said, a slight smile curving on his lips. "Have you figured it out? Who gave Chazz Princeton a sex change? I'm sure you've figured it out by _now_. After all, Mr. Misawa, you're one of the brightest students in my school."

Bastion whimpered and pulled his sheets up to his chin, but remained silent. His eyes darted toward the phone, but his half-delirious mind told him not to make a move.

The chancellor leaned next to Misawa and smiled. "No? I'm surprised. All right, I'll tell you..."

He whispered a name in Bastion's ear, and stood back up. "I must go now, Mr. Misawa." He swept out of the room without another word, leaving behind a terrified Bastion Misawa.

---

Perhaps what surprised Jaden Yuki the most wasn't that it was about midnight when there was a rapping on his dorm room door, but rather who was _doing _the rapping.

Syrus got to the door first, and a sleepy Jaden waited behind him to see who in their right mind would want to come to the Slifer Red dorms at midnight.

"Charlene?" Syrus asked, eyes widening. "What are-"

"Jaden, I need to talk to you," Charlene said tersely, ignoring Syrus completely.

Jaden stifled a yawn and rubbed his eyes. "Right now? Can't this wait until morn-"

"No, I really have to tell you now," Charlene interrupted. "Alone," she added, shooting a glance at Syrus and the sleeping form of Chumley. "It's very important that I tell you now, I'm afraid I won't be able to tell you in the morning."

The brown-haired Slifer heard the urgency in Charlene's voice. He nodded. "All right, let me get my shoes." He shoved them on, all thoughts about socks completely erased from mind, and he hurried after Charlene, who seemed distracted - more so than usual, anyway.

"Charlene, what's going- oomph!" Jaden's question was drowned out as Charlene grabbed him and roughly pulled him into some nearby bushes, landing awkwardly on top of him. Her hand immediately covered the boy's mouth to prevent him from inquiring further.

"...thought I saw her leaving her dorm, Professor," someone was saying. "We went and looked, there was nobody there."

"Very well, keep an eye open for her." Banner's voice drifted through the air. "I want all suspicious activity reported back to me."

"Yes sir."

The two were lying in the bushes for several tense moments. Charlene didn't seem to notice (or care) that she was lying on top of Jaden, but the boy was quite nervous. Why was Professor Banner looking for Charlene? Was it just because she'd run out of the placement duel, or was it because she had done something... bad?

His mind wandered back to the duel, and how he'd thought that he had heard Chazz's voice instead of Charlene's. His thoughts kept wandering back to the same conclusion: _Charlene Parkins is really Chazz Princeton._

She looked similar to Chazz Princeton, and close up, he realized that she even had the same dark determination in her eyes that Chazz Princeton got before engaging in a reckless activity. Her breathing was sharp and ragged against his chest. Her expression turned from sheer determination to a look of surprise and fear when a flashlight beam passed near the bushes where the two were lying. Instinctively, she pressed herself closer to Jaden, waiting for the beam to strike the bushes. Luckily, it didn't. The girl didn't know what she would have done if Banner's guards (really just a few select Slifer boys) had discovered the two lying there, on top of one another; she did know it would have been something she would regret for a long time. She was very glad that Atticus had gotten out of her dorm before they caught him there.

The light passed, and the three guards left the area, satisfied that Charlene was not in the area.

The girl moved her head and looked at Jaden. Their faces were centimeters apart; her warm breath tickled the side of his face as she whispered in his ear, "Let's go. Quickly."

Cautiously, she moved to a crouching position, still sitting on Jaden's legs. She peered around, ensuring that the area was clear. "We're going to hide in the woods. Let's go."

"Hide from- Charlene-"

She pressed her hand to his mouth again. "Not here!" she hissed. "Let's go!"

As they ran for what felt like an eternity (which was probably only about ten minutes), Jaden realized that he knew now, beyond all doubt. Chazz Princeton was Charlene Parkins... or was it the other way around? Either way, it made him twist inside to realize that he had _kissed _Chazz. Charlene hadn't said anything about it, but... was she - he? - revolted about that? Jaden's insides twisted further when he thought about how he really wasn't as revolted as he probably _should_ be...In fact, part of him really enjoyed the kiss... His stomach lurched as Charlene grabbed his hand and pulled him through the thick trees, toward a deserted clearing.

She turned, her expression unreadable in the darkness. "I think we're safe now."

"From what?" Jaden blurted before he could help himself, plopping down on the ground under a large tree.

She sat down next to him and took a deep breath. "Remember when we were in detention together, when I was trying to kill Atticus and you kissed me to get me to stop?"

Jaden's face crumpled. Even in the darkness, Charlene could tell that he was very uncomfortable about that particular subject. "Yeah... actually, I'm really sorry..."

"Don't be," Charlene said instantly. "I actually... kind of enjoyed it..." She was shocked that she'd just said that. "Really, it should be me who apologizes."

"How come?" Jaden asked curiously.

"I'm sorry that you wasted your first kiss on me," Charlene said, her voice rushed now. "Jaden, I'm really... I'm... I'm _Chazz_."

There was a silence broken only by crickets chirping and birds chirping. Finally, Jaden spoke.

"I...see."

Charlene cringed against Jaden's oddly flat tone. "I didn't mean for this-"

"No, no," Jaden interrupted. "I thought you might be Chazz. I wasn't sure until tonight, when I heard you yell in the arena."

So Chazz hadn't imagined it. Jaden went on, "I thought about the kiss, too. I'm really... I'm not sorry that my first kiss was with you, Chazz. I thought maybe there was something horrible about that, but... I actually kind of _liked_ it..." His voice faded.

Now it was Chazz's turn to be silent. He could think of nothing else but what his mind told him to do - so he obeyed, as if in a trance. "Jaden..."

"Yes?"

"Would you like another kiss?"

The brunette smiled. "I'd love one."

The two leaned in, feeling around in the darkness for the other. Jaden's hand moved up Chazz's arm, Chazz's hand moved across Jaden's back. Their lips brushed together, and they leaned closer... closer...

"Aw, how touching."

The two broke apart instantly. A bright beam of light flashed in their eyes, and Jaden squinted, trying to make out the figure holding the flashlight.

"Chazz and Jaden? Who would have thought... Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" the voice taunted, laughing.

The two boys recognized the voice, and as their eyes adjusted to the darkness, they saw the faint outline of that person.

Chazz paled. "No..."

_**To Be Continued...**_

_Sorry for general lack of humor in this chapter, I was in this weird mood when writing it. Just review. See if you can guess correctly who it is! I bet you can't... :3_


	11. Explanations

_**Salutations: **I tried to get this up Sunday, but my Internet was down, and when it did work yesterday, this site wouldn't let me log in . Hope you enjoy it. It's a long 'un, I think. Also, the genre for this chapter has changed from **humor **to **drama**. Just a head's up. Everything you've wondered about (provided I did what I set out to accomplish and actually entertained you) should be answered in this chapter._

_**Warnings: **OOCness, no longer **one**-sided Jaden/Chazz (both sided; shonen-ai), and the oh-so-wonderful... dub names. T-T_

_**Disclaimer: **Ladyvella42's soul (c) Kazuki Takahashi  
_

_**Chapter Eleven: Explanations**_

Syrus stormed across the dorm room, fuming as there was a polite knocking at the door. _Why can't people SLEEP at one in the morning? Why must they run around, banging on peoples' doors? People, I might add, that ARE trying to sleep! _And Chumley wasn't helping, either - he just remained as motionless as a sloth.

He wrenched the door open and yelled, "He's NOT HERE, so GO AW-" He froze at the sight of the person standing before him in his pajamas, cradling a fat cat in his arms, looking exhausted. "Oh."

Banner gave a slight cough. "Ah... I apologize for waking you, Syrus, but... you said he's not here?"

"Who's not here?" Syrus squeaked, flushing.

"Jaden. Jaden isn't here?" Banner said, frowning slightly.

"Um... he went to the outhouse."

Banner sighed and scratched his chin. "Syrus, this is important. We need to locate Charlene and Jaden. Both of them have gone missing, and we need to speak with them."

"How come?" Syrus inquired. '_Charlene seemed pretty intent on not letting anyone figure out where they went... I guess I'll have to stall...'_

Banner looked annoyed now. "If you see either of them, give me a call. This is very important, Syrus." He turned and briskly headed back in the direction of the academy. As soon as Banner was out of sight, Syrus heard a loud yell echo through the Academy's grounds - a noise that seemed to be coming from the Obelisk dorms.

A very, very familiar yell.

Atticus.

Syrus bit his lip. _What is going on around here tonight? _He thought for a minute, then made his decision. He grabbed his shoes and headed toward the Obelisk dorms. _'I'm coming, brother...'_

---

Chazz's mouth went dry as the figure in front of him slipped into focus. Instinctively, he pulled Jaden behind him. Jaden didn't object. He was too much in shock to do anything other than stare at the person holding the flashlight.

"What... what are... what are _you _doing here?" Chazz whispered in anger.

The person laughed. "What, I don't get a 'Hey, how are you?' from my own brother?"

"You _bastards_ disowned me!" Chazz said, shaking uncontrollably from the anger welled up inside him. Jaden gently placed his hands on Chazz's shaking shoulders.

"True, that," the person replied thoughtfully. "Ah, well. Surprised to see me, Chazz?"

"Yes, I am, Jagger," Chazz said through clenched teeth, backing away from him. "I thought I'd never have to see you again. In fact, I desperately hoped I'd never have to see you assholes again in my life. Speaking of which, where's the other one in this party?"

"Slade had to deal with someone," Jagger replied with a cocky smirk. "Actually, a few someones. Those 'friends' of yours, if that's what you can call them, are being too meddlesome for their own good, you see."

Jaden paled, but remained determined. "If you hurt our friends-"

Jagger looked surprised. "Oh! I almost forgot about you for a moment, Jaden! Jaden, the one who ruined Chazz Princeton's life." When Jaden said nothing, Jagger smirked again. "Yes, Jaden, after you so _humiliatingly _defeated my beloved brother in front of the whole world, you ruined his life. I'm still trying to figure out why you're here, together. I would have thought that you would have tried to kill Jaden by this point, Chazz."

Chazz remained silent for a moment before finally responding. "No, Jagger. Jaden didn't ruin my life." He straightened up. "_You _did."

Jagger looked at Chazz with a mild expression. "I see. Go on, dear brother. Tell your love how Slade and I ruined your life. Tell him _everything_."

Chazz clenched his fists. He tried to speak, but found it difficult. Finally, he managed to choke out a response. "You two call yourselves _brothers_? How is forcing me to do things I don't want to do an example of _brotherly love_? You made me so depressed and angry at myself that I just wanted to get it over with on my own." Biting his lip, he ignored the tightened grip Jaden had on his shoulders and continued, "Then I came to Duel Academy. Finally, I was away from you. I left Duel Academy after losing to Misawa in order to get away from the mockery, and I ended up at North Academy. Then you came back and forced me into a duel with Jaden, a duel that marred the long-standing Princeton name. I decided to stay at Duel Academy. And now I'm happy. I have friends. These friends care about me! That means more to me than any 'family legacy' did, Jagger!"

Jagger laughed. "Have you lost your tiny mind? Has being in the lowest rung of the ladder at this school given you delusions of 'friendship' and 'friends who love you'? Reality check, Chazzy. Those so-called friends don't give a damn about you, they just pretend to like you because they feel _sorry _for you."

"That's not true!" Jaden insisted angrily. "I care about Chazz-"

"Oh, of course!" Jagger barked a laugh. "Yes, yes, of course! How _did _you two end up together, anyway?" With another smirk he added, "Have you done the lewinsky yet?" He jerked his hips suggestively.

"Why are you here?" Chazz demanded sharply, ignoring Jagger.

"Isn't it obvious?" After waiting for a response that didn't come, Jagger shrugged. "We came back for you, Chazz."

"Any reason why?" Chazz hissed. "Or did you just come back to-" His question broke off as he saw the worried look on Jaden's face.

"To _beat_ you into shape?" Jagger suggested, placing emphasis on the word. "Perhaps. Slade and I agreed. We just wanted to kill you."

"You-" Jaden took a step in front of Chazz, but Chazz grabbed his arm. Attempting to tug his arm free, Jaden glared at the black-haired girl. "Let go, Chazz. I'm going to kill the bastard."

"No, this is a family matter," Chazz said. "And frankly, I'm finished with it. Let's go." The two turned to leave before they heard the sound - the unmistakable sound of a trigger being cocked. The two stopped dead in their tracks. Slowly, Chazz glanced back at Jagger, who was holding a gun with an almost eager look on his face.

"I'm not finished with you just yet," Jagger said slowly. "And I won't be until Slade gets here. Don't you want to see both of your brothers before you die?"

"I don't have any brothers," Chazz replied quietly. "Just call Slade and tell him to hurry up. If I'm going to die, it may as well be now."

Jagger scowled. "He's getting rid of your pals. He'll take as long as he needs."

"Tell me something," Chazz said. "Why did you make me a girl? Was it to humiliate me in death?"

"Partly," Jagger replied, glancing at his cell phone with a frown. "We came to kill you for humiliating our family name. But there was another reason. And that was to ensure that nobody ever found the body of Chazz Princeton, which ensured that we wouldn't be found out."

"One thing wrong with that ingenious plan," Chazz snapped. "DNA, moron. I still have Chazz Princeton's DNA."

"That's why we got Bastion Misawa to perform the actual surgery," Jagger said, another smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "He knew a few ways to alter your DNA."

"Bastion Misawa - !" Jaden's eyes widened. "No way! Bastion wouldn't-"

"He would and he did."

"No..." Jaden's expression became vacant and unreadable.

"Yes. We threatened to kill all his buddies if he didn't do as we demanded. What would you do if you were put in that kind of a decision? Would you permanently alter one friend's appearance or lose them all? We took his weakness and used it to destroy you, Chazz. Of course, he miscalculated; we had no intention of killing any of your friends - until now," Jagger sneered, waving the gun. "I must say, Misawa did a damn good job of it, though. You fooled most of the staff and many of your fellow classmates."

"Sheppard?" Chazz pressed. "Atticus?"

"Sheppard had no clue. Still doesn't, I think. Slade paid someone to imitate Sheppard in order to go kill Misawa, but apparently, Misawa is too wrecked by guilt that he's been driven insane. It makes things easier, don't you think?" He chuckled. "Less of a mess, eh? And Atticus was another innocent pawn. He just happened to set the stage. We overheard him trying to persuade his sister to go to the dorms to meet you, Chazz, when we were visiting last week. It was the perfect time, and made things even easier. Your friends sold you out. They're not very good friends, are they?"

"Shut up!" Jaden yelled, taking a step toward Jagger. He froze when the gun became aimed at him.

"Don't think about it, you little runt," Jagger said sharply. Keeping a close eye on the two in front of him, he pressed a few buttons on his cell phone and waited. Finally, he said, "What is taking you so long?" He waited. "Are you kidding me? There are only two you were supposed to worry about, the Rhodes siblings- What? But he's four feet tall!" Fuming, he paused. "Well. That complicates things... Well, then ignore them and hurry up! I've been waiting for a very long time, I'm getting very impatient. Better yet, bring them here and we'll deal with all of them at once." He hung up. "Seems your pals and two of your teachers are meddling."

"Two teachers?" Chazz said blankly.

"Yeah. They're holding Slade back. I'd help him, but-" he waved the gun again, "I have to make sure you two don't get away."

They waited in silence for about fifteen minutes more until they heard a loud voice breaking through the trees.

"Come on, I just have to pee, I went outside to PEE, geez-"

"Atticus?" Jaden said, confused.

"Shut up before I punch that pretty face of yours-" someone snapped.

Alexis, Crowler, Banner, Syrus, and Zane walked into the forest, followed closely by Slade, who was prodding an irate Atticus in the back with the barrel of the gun in his hand. Jaden was surprised to see Banner without Pharaoh. He became more surprised when he caught sight of Crowler in his midnight-blue pajamas.

"What took you?" Jagger demanded. "And why are you bleeding?" he added, nodding at the bruises forming around Slade's eyes and the blood dripping from several cuts on his arms and face.

Slade wiped the blood off his mouth and pointed the gun at Alexis. "_She_ decided she was going to eavesdrop on our earlier conversation and alert _him-_" he pointed at Crowler, "-and _him-" _Atticus, "-who decided to inform _him-" _Banner, "-and _him-" _Zane, "-and _he-_" Banner, "-went and woke _him-_" Syrus, "-who decided to come and see what was happening. They all tried to kill me - the midget even went as far as to shove a pen in my eye - so I had to resort to getting the gun out to get them to cooperate."

"Yeah, it's not like we _weren't _being _threatened _or anything," Zane said sarcastically, rubbing his arm tenderly.

"Why are you even here?" Alexis demanded of the Princeton brothers. "Chazz isn't even here-"

Slade barked out a laugh. "He's right there, Miss Rhodes." He pointed at "Charlene." Alexis, Crowler, Banner, and Syrus all gasped.

After blinking a few times in confusion, Alexis shot a shocked glance at Atticus, who averted his gaze, then at Zane, who also looked away. "You knew? About... this?"

Atticus nodded grimly. "I was the first to find out. I - er - let it slip to Zane. And Misawa."

"Misawa knew," Chazz said, shooting a glare at his brothers. "He was the one they hired for this little experiment."

"But Bastion wouldn't do that," Syrus interjected.

"To save your life, he did," Chazz said darkly.

"Enough of this," Crowler interrupted. "Let the students go back to the school."

"The students are nothing more than pawns to these men," Banner said softly. "They won't hesitate to kill all of us in order to avenge their prominent family name."

"Squinty-eyed guy's got it," Jagger said, nodding his head. "And personally, I've had enough of you all to last a lifetime. So, it's time for all of you to have a _tragic _accident in which you all 'drown.'" He laughed again. "Which, naturally, means I'm going to shoot each of you and shove you into the ocean. If your bodies are ever found, they'll never figure out who did it. Plus," he added with a sneer, "they might believe it was suicide. And with my darling brother, they'll have no trouble believing he committed suicide."

"Let's see. Who should go first?" Slade stroked his chin thoughtfully. "You." He nodded at Zane, who looked about as angry as anyone had ever seen him.

Zane's lips formed a thin line. "If you think that killing me is going to avenge your family name, go right ahead. Shoot me." He held his arms out. "Unless you're too much a coward to do it."

"Big brother-" Syrus cried.

"Quiet."

Syrus fell silent, and tears welled in his eyes.

"There's no need to kill all of us," Banner said, eerily calm. "In fact, there's no need to kill anyone here. You're overreacting to something that should be of no concern to you-"

"Shut up!" Jagger yelled, losing his cool for the first time that night. "Nobody would be having this problem if you'd all just _minded your own fucking business_!"

After a moment's pause, Atticus spoke up. "You don't understand. This _is _our business."

"You had no right destroying your own brother's dignity the way you did," Alexis added scathingly. "You mess with one of us, you mess with _all_ of us."

"Fine," Jagger snapped. "Fine. Then you'll all die together, if your pathetic 'friendship' insists on it."

Jaden exploded. "He's your _brother_! Goddamn it, you're supposed to _love _him! So what, he made a mistake! He's human, all humans make mistakes!"

"Shut - _UP!" _

Jagger pulled the trigger.

The sound of gunfire rang through the quiet night, though it was drowned out by the cries of horror.

Jaden's eyes widened in shock. As the blood poured from the bullet hole, he began to lose consciousness. The last thing his mind registered was Chazz grabbing him... around the shoulders? His arms...? God, his arm hurt... he must have fallen on it... maybe... Damn, that was his dueling arm, too...

Then, the pain faded as his arm went numb. The world was the next thing to fade... It faded in a black cloud as he began falling into the darkness... falling... falling...

_**---To Be Continued---**_

_Whew. Exhausting. Hope it didn't suck. Please review! If there's something I neglected to mention in this chapter that you think I should have, let me know so I can fix it up. Thanks!_


	12. Innocence

_**Shloop**__: Yes, shloop. Anyway, thank you all for reviewing. :D I have no excuse for my laziness this time. Except that I was playing Kingdom Hearts II. (Which is pwnage. RLY.) And my dad supposedly "fixed" the Internet, making it freeze, naturally. Those, and I had writer's block. I seriously couldn't get what I wanted said. It probably sucks anyway. Also, if you haven't seen, I got my second flame. Check it out, it's funny._

_**Warnings**__: OOCness, Jaden x Chazz shonen-ai, drama rating, dub names, other random stuff of little importance._

_**Disclaimer**__: Kittens are adorable. Go buy some._

_**Chapter Twelve: Innocence**_

Thoughts swirled in Chazz's numb mind, none of them coherent to him. All his scattered mind could understand was that Jaden had been shot. By my own brother, damn it!

Jaden was lying on the ground, his crimson blood pouring freely from the hole in his right shoulder, staining his red blazer with a darker shade of the color, and forming a small puddle around his unconscious body - for he was not dead, not yet. His breathing was shallow, but it was there. Small streams of the crimson fluid dripped from his half-open mouth and snaked across his face, into his messy brown hair.

Jagger gave a self-satisfied smirk. "Well, one down, seven to go." He glanced at his gun and his smirk grew. "And what do you know, I have seven bullets left. And all I'll have to do is shove your bodies off the nearby cliff, you'll be impaled on the sharp rocks, and no one will be able to identify your bodies once Mother Nature takes care of the rest."

"And Jagger and I will go home, everyone will feel pity that the youngest Princeton brother has mysteriously vanished, and the authorities will never figure it out," Slade added with a matching smirk. "Not to mention the publicity we'll receive once everyone sees how very... sad... we'll be when we find out that we're never going to see our youngest brother again."

The feeling of hoplessness and despair in Chazz's heart quickly gave way to feelings of a hatred so deep it took complete control of his emotions. "You sick, heartless BASTARDS! You have NO GODDAMN RIGHT to come and hurt my friends just to get back at me! WHY THE FUCK COULDN'T YOU JUST STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE?"

Jagger's eyes glistened dangerously. "Language, Chazz. Yelling obscenities at me doesn't save your bestest pal's life."

Chazz glanced back at the bleeding brunette and swallowed the lump in his throat. Banner had removed Jaden's blazer and was now leaning over the wound, cursing softly as he realized that he didn't have his tie with him - which he could have used as a makeshift bandage - and was now attempting to tie Syrus's shredded pajama shirt around the wound to stifle the bleeding. He was the only one in the group who knew much about first aid, but they all knew that if Jaden didn't get real medical treatment immediately, he would die. No one doubted that.

"So," Jagger went on, completely oblivious to the soft sobs coming from most of the group, "who's next?"

"The midget who stabbed my eye?" Slade suggested, pointing at his swollen left eye with one hand and at Syrus with the other - the one with the gun in it. "That pen didn't have a cap on when it went into my eye."

"We shouldn't kill Chazz yet... I want to see him suffer... Oh, I got it. We could do Chazz's wanna-be lover's lover," Jagger suggested, pointing at Zane. "We meant to do him in first anyway."

Zane scarcely thought about that for more than two seconds before he discovered that he must have heard wrong. He didn't have a lover. Not that he knew of, anyway.

Crowler was crouching near Banner, trying desperately to type out a text message to Miss Fontaine, the first person he could think of who had a deep knowledge of first-aid, on his cell phone. He was almost finished when Slade noticed what he was doing. "Oh, what's this? You're sending for help? Can't have that..." He raised his gun at Crowler, who bit his lip and hit "send" - right as Slade pulled the trigger.

Letting out a gasp of pain, Crowler jerked his hand back - the cell phone in it was destroyed now, thanks to the bullet. His hand now had a large chunk of the plastic covering wedged in it, and blood was pouring out of it.

Slade sighed in exasperation. "Damn it, bad aim." He shrugged at Jagger. "Guess I'll have to aim better this time." He carefully aimed the gun at Crowler, who was too stunned to move.

Chazz stood up and moved quickly in the path of the gun, facing Slade with an unreadable expression on his face. "Just kill me and let them go."

Slade laughed. "They know too much, dearest brother. We have no choice but to kill you all."

"There's always a choice," Chazz replied.

"You're so naive," Jagger spat. "Have you listened to yourself lately? You're turning into him." He nodded at the dying boy on the ground behind Chazz. "What are you going to say next, that revenge isn't the answer? That we should settle our differences in a duel? Hate to break it to you, bro, but life's more than just a game."

"Your casual disregard for human life makes me wonder if you really believe that," Chazz said softly. "But I will agree with you on one point. Dueling will solve nothing." He looked back at Jaden, who was now paler than Death himself and let out a low breath. "But I can think of one thing that will."

"What's that?" Slade demanded.

Chazz smiled grimly. "Killing you."

Swiftly, he lunged at Slade, whose eyes widened in surprise, and tackled him to the ground. The gun flew from Slade's hand and landed several feet away in the bushes near a tree. Jagger turned, surprised, but he was too far away to help, and he didn't want to risk shooting at Chazz for fear of hitting Slade, and he was afraid to start walking toward the two for fear that Chazz's friends could catch him off guard, so he had no choice but to watch the spectacle unraveling before his eyes. Slade landed flat on his back, and Chazz landed on top of him. Breathing hard, Chazz looked with sick satisfaction into Slade's eyes. "How's it feel to be on the bottom, bastard?" He slapped Slade hard across the face. "That's for what you did to me when I was young." He nailed a fist in to Slade's nose, effectively shattering the bone. "That's for what you did to me when I didn't meet your requirements." He followed through with a hard slam against his brother's mouth. He felt his brother's jaw break and stopped punching. "And that was for what you've done to my friends."

"Chazz, stop!" Alexis cried. "You'll kill him-"

"Good," Chazz snarled. "This bastard deserves it."

"You're not a murderer, Chazz," Syrus whispered.

"No, he may not be, but I will have no regret killing Chazz-" It was Jagger's turn to lunge at Chazz. Chazz was in a bad position, so he grunted in pain as Jagger knocked him off Slade's body. Jagger landed on top of Chazz this time and pinned Chazz's arms against his body. "This does feel familiar," he sneered. It was his turn to slap Chazz across the face. "You don't disrespect your elder brothers, you little jackass." He took a handful of Chazz's hair and whipped his head back roughly. "You'll regret trying to kill us, Chazz."

"The only thing I regret is that I never killed you sooner," Chazz whispered breathlessly.

"Chazz-" Alexis took two steps toward him before Jagger slammed the barrel of the gun against Chazz's head. "Come any closer, any of you, and I'll shoot him," Jagger spat.

Alexis froze. "How can you do this?" She looked at Jaden again. Banner had wrapped the arm to the best of his ability, and was now helplessly wiping blood off the boy's mouth. Slade was lying unconscious on the ground near the struggling brothers, blood falling from his nose and mouth. So much suffering... and for what?

"When you reach a position as high as mine and Slade's, you have to prove that you're able to kill to keep it," Jagger said stiffly. "After Jaden beat Chazz, we were mocked. And now we'll gain the respect of the high society back."

"Is your own brother's life worth the respect of society?" Zane asked quietly.

"Any day," Jagger said dangerously.

Atticus hadn't been listening to the conversation. He had his eyes on the gun that had flown from Slade's hand when Chazz had tackled him. It was lying about ten yards away - not far at all. If Jagger would keep his gaze away from him, he could get to it. Then Jagger's single advantage would be lost, and they could get Jaden up to the school quickly.

I owe them that much, seeing how this is mostly my fault... he mused. Okay... just... run. Run fast. NOW!

He took a deep breath and went into an all-out sprint. Jagger looked up and saw the boy just as Atticus snatched the gun up and dove behind the tree it had been under.

"Oh, clever, clever," Jagger said with a bone-chilling laugh. "Planning on shooting me first? Go ahead. I doubt you've ever shot someone before. Trust me, the first time is tough." He grinned. "But I'd reconsider." He gestured at Chazz, who was still at the mercy of the gun and breathing heavily. "Your aim might be even two inches off and you could hit Chazz here. You want to risk that, pretty boy?"

Pretty boy?

He might have been flattered if a curvy blond seventeen-year-old girl had called him a pretty boy, but to be called a pretty boy by a creepy man in his twenties? That's where he drew the line.

"So, I'm surprised you haven't killed us all yet," Atticus said conversationally, not moving from his spot behind the tree. "I guess it's true what they say, then. All the incompetent villains just brag about their insidious schemes and don't actually do anything."

"Shut up you little-"

"I will take over the world, bwahahaha!" Atticus mocked, sliding down so he was lying on his stomach - still out of sight behind the tree. "First I will tell you all about my evil plans, then I shall kill you! Dearest Jagger, you told us we were all going to die ten minutes ago, and what? We're still alive. Say much for your skills as an evil guy? Not much, methinks."

In spite of the situation, Syrus and Crowler both let out weak laughs and Alexis shook her head in exasperation. "That moron's going to get himself murdered one of these days," she muttered. "I hope he knows what he's doing... And I hope he does it quickly..."

"I told you to shut up!" Jagger screamed, shooting at the tree.

One...

"Missed me," Atticus said in a sing-song voice. "Who has bad aim? I'm behind a tree. Can't hit a tree? Oh, that's right... your flashlight is lying on the ground, it's hard to see."

"Damn you-" Jagger shot again.

Two...

"Missed again, good sir, I don't think it's because of the dark this time, either. Might I suggest getting glasses?"

"Die, damn it!" Again.

Three... should be enough...

"Alexis has better aim than you do," Atticus said. "And she's not as stupid."

"What?" Jagger demanded sharply.

"See, you just wasted three bullets. Now how are you going to kill us all? You're down to three bullets and I have the second gun, the one with more bullets in it."

"I'll take it from you!" Jagger yelled. "And then I'll shoot you in the leg and leave you to die."

Atticus made a mock noise of shock. "Silly me! How could I have forgotten that I have a gun with bullets in it that you might try to take from me?" He aimed the gun skyward. "Let's see how many bullets it has in it." He shot it at the sky until it clicked, signaling that it was empty. "Only five? How sad. One would think that it's a good idea to fill a gun up with as many bullets as will fit."

"Atticus, you're a retard, I hope you know that," Chazz choked out from beneath Jagger's tightened grip on his throat.

"I see what he's doing," Zane murmured to Alexis and Syrus. "He's distracting Jagger's attention away from us. We should go-"

Alexis shook her head. "He's my brother, I'm not leaving him here. You guys go and I'll help Atticus hold the Princetons off. I think Slade's coming around, so you have to hurry."

"Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah - can't touch this," Atticus sang, chucking a few sticks and rocks at a very infuriated Jagger every time the man approached the tree.

Zane sighed. "Make sure he doesn't get brutally murdered, okay?"

Alexis nodded. "Hurry!" she whispered.

Making sure that the elder Rhodes sibling was keeping Jagger occupied, Banner and Crowler gently picked up the pale boy on the ground and began to sidle toward the dark forest. Syrus and Zane followed silently, leaving Alexis and her brother in the dark clearing, alone with two very homicidal maniacs and one very mentally exhausted teenager.

Noting that Slade was stirring, Alexis kicked him in the face - hard. Satisfied that he was going to stay down for at least ten minutes more, she turned her attention to Jagger.

---

The unlikely group of students and teachers hurried through the woods, stumbling over uprooted tree trunks, sticks, and what they figured was possibly a gas main. The mere fact that a gas main was above ground unnerved Professor Banner, but they pressed on - they had other matters to attend to. The boy in Banner's arms was now not only pale and emaciated, but he had stopped breathing.

He would be dead within minutes. There was no way they could reach the school in time.

_**---To Be Continued---**_

_Argh, 'tis sucky. I didn't even read it through again. Sorry for how rushed it more than likely was. One chapter to go. And then I'm going to start my Kingdom Hearts fic, because it has snatched my very soul. Curse the Japanese and their overly addicting video games and anime._


	13. Epilogue

_**Ni: **I was at a loss for inspiration, and I pretty much didn't feel like doing jack. So I didn't. Nya. :P_

_**Warnings: **Dub names, Jaden x Chazz, need I repeat myself again?_

_**Disclaimer: **Uh... The Internet is made up of tubes. And online gambling is illegal. Unless you're betting on horses. Which can go through the tubes, and poker chips can't, see?_

_**Epilogue**_

"We have to at least try to get him help," Banner said breathlessly, sprinting with the unconscious Slifer boy in his arms toward the brightly lit school.

"We could try CPR," Syrus squeaked, attempting to catch up with his professor and failing due to the length of the teacher's legs.

"I can't do CPR," Banner called back. "Can you?"

"Well, no, but I thought teachers were supposed to know how to-"

"That was too long ago for me to remember," Banner interrupted. "Now quiet, please. Miss Fontaine is the only teacher I can think of who still knows CPR."

That reminded Crowler of his earlier phone call. "I left a message on her cell," he wheezed. "Hopefully, she got the message and is on her way."

_Unless she's asleep, _he thought glumly. _Which is probably what she's doing-_

He was cut off from his thoughts when he heard a low rumbling sound coming from the school.

"What was that?" Zane asked in alarm.

"Dunno, but it's getting louder-" Syrus began, right before a golf cart - yes, a golf cart - landed in front of them with a _thud_.

"Hey," the brunette aboard the cart said cheerily. "Got your message." Miss Fontaine grinned at the scraggly group, adjusting her purple pajama shirt. Her smile dripped right off her face when she caught sight of the Slifer boy, and she was off the cart in seconds, rushing over to him. "How long has he been unconscious?" she demanded, regaining her professional composure. "Who wrapped this wound? How long has he not been breathing?" Even as she spoke, she had taken his pulse and had also begun chest compressions.

"Fifteen minutes, me, and about three minutes," Banner said hurriedly.

Fontaine tilted Jaden's head back, listened for breathing, cursed softly, and blew into his mouth. His chest rose, and she lifted her head. She continued the process until he was again breathing on his own, if even very weakly. The group waited anxiously as she finished, and she nodded. "I need someone to help me get him on the cart and back up to the school," she announced. "Lyman, would you-?"

Wordlessly, Banner scooped the now-breathing boy into his arms and lifted him onto the cart. He turned back to the waiting students and Crowler and nodded. "You can go back to your dorms now, please. We've got it under control."

"But-" Syrus began tearfully before Zane placed a hand on his shoulder to silence him.

"Professor, Atticus, Alexis, and Chazz are still back there," Zane said quietly. "We can't just leave them there-"

"Please, Mr. Truesdale, they will be fine," Crowler said. "Atticus is plenty capable of getting himself out of sticky situations, and Alexis is a fiesty woman. They'll be fine."

"C'mon Syrus, I'll take you back to your dorm," Zane murmured, nudging the boy along. "We should tell Chumley what happened, and Miss Fontaine will take care of Jaden."

Sniffling, Syrus nodded, and the two headed off toward the Slifer dorms while the golf cart sped back to the school.

---

Two days passed before Fontaine let anyone see Jaden. He was doing fine, the school had been informed, but he wouldn't be in classes for a few days. Not that Jaden minded, apparently.

The first one who went to see him when he awoke was Chazz.

"Hi, Charlene," Jaden said, smiling brightly.

Chazz shook his head. "I'm not Charlene, dolt."

Jaden wiggled into a sitting position, wincing slightly as his bandaged arm rubbed the side of his bed. "Yeah, sorry. Hi, Chazz. How are you?"

"I've been better," Chazz muttered, recalling the rumors that had started that day.

"Why, what's wrong?"

Chazz's eyes went dark. "Everyone in the school knows that I'm really Chazz Princeton, and all sorts of rumors are spreading across the school now. Nothing really bad," he added, catching the look on Jaden's face. "Just silly things, really. Like people thinking I just wanted attention or something, you know. I'm used to that kind of stuff, actually."

"Why don't you tell them the truth, Chazz?" Jaden inquired.

"What's the point?" Chazz countered. He gestured at his body. "In a few days, I'm going to be back to normal. I'm getting surgery and turning back into a guy." He thought for a moment before adding as an afterthought, "even if my sex life is pretty much shot..."

Any other person would come back to this proclamation with a witty comeback such as "what sex life?", but not Jaden. The Slifer boy merely looked puzzled, and decided not to tread those waters. He immediately changed the subject.

"What happened to Alexis and Atticus? How'd you guys make it out, anyway?"

Chazz considered this question for a moment. "Well, it's kind of funny, really. Alexis pulled off this awesome ninja move or something and kicked Slade in the face and rendered him unconscious again. Atticus - well, this is the funniest part, actually. Jagger is allergic to bee stings."

"Oh boy," Jaden murmured, biting back a laugh.

"Yeah. Jagger demanded that Atticus give him the gun, so Atticus threw the gun at a nearby hive of wasps. The wasps got pissed and went after Jagger. Out of compassion, Alexis stuffed some allergy meds down his throat and we left him there. I think Miss Fontaine might have treated him and then had them both picked up by the police. They were shipped off this morning."

"That's good to hear," Jaden said, suddenly tired. "And is Bastion out of the looney bin?"

"Yeah. He's still very paranoid and edgy, but he can at least put a comprehensive sentence together now. In fact, I believe his first actual sentence was 'is mental illness contagious?'"

Jaden laughed weakly, then fell silent. The two sat in this odd silence for several minutes as Jaden fiddled with his bedsheet and subconsciously rubbed his shoulder. Finally, Chazz broke the silence.

"How's your arm?"

Jaden shrugged his good shoulder. "They said I'm not allowed to duel until it's better..." He trailed off sadly.

"Oh. Well, I have to go to class now," Chazz said, standing up. "Syrus and Chumley are going to drop by after Banner's class."

"Bye, Chazz," Jaden said.

"Bye."

Chazz opened the door and had one foot out when Jaden called after him. "Chazz?"

"Mm?"

"...Thanks."

_**---End---**_

_Thanks for sticking around. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. And above all, thanks for being patient with me. I thank thee from the depths of whatever heart I might have. Ta._


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